


This Song's For You

by starchase



Series: Improbable Soulmates [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: A little bit of angst, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Jihoon is a grump who might be soft for the sun, M/M, Romance, Seokmin is a giant ball of sunshine, improbable soulmates, learning to be together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-04 13:04:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 35,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15841872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starchase/pseuds/starchase
Summary: What happens when the universe links two improbable souls to each other?Seokmin and Jihoon find out, as they learn how to be together.





	1. And If I Only Could

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so excited to be able to share this fic finally! I'm so soft for seokhoon, and I've been dying to write a fic for them and share my love. Much thanks to my beta, as always, CatchTheGhost! Your ideas, brainstorming and encouragement is always so valuable to me and I don't think I'd write half as much without your help! 
> 
> There's a small [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/9w2wobra6m5f856rzwcc072jc/playlist/20SunGfqNrwTIKGXi3S4PI?si=z6oCl-CwS0aW_ZxUZYsrhQ) to go with this fic, the songs I listened to on loop while writing. It's one song per part. This parts song is a cover of [Running Up That Hill](https://open.spotify.com/track/7KIXAzdiG2Pae7spgsklZo?si=Ig1sZhQsTF69_4vKgIt0gw) by First Aid Kit!
> 
> This fic is already completed so I'll be posting the following chapters every other day. Please enjoy!

“Jihoon's your _soulmate_?"

“Yes?” Seokmin says, feeling a little confused by the amount of surprise on Seungkwan's face.

“ _Jihoon_ ?”

“Yes...” he says again, slowly. “What's wrong with that?”

Seungkwan shrugs, disbelief still evident on his face. “I just never figured Jihoon for your soulmate. Or you for his.”

Seokmin stares down at his sugary-sweet latte, watches the steam rise from the mug, curl into the air, before it tendrils out of sight.  

Seungkwan has never been one to hide his opinions or feelings, and Seokmin has always valued that about his friend. Even at times when Seungkwan's feelings haven't quite agreed with Seokmin's own (he remembers the Great Laundry Debate of freshman year, and the argument he and Seungkwan got into, being new roommates together). And, while he still values that honesty now, Seokmin can't help but feel a little stung, by Seungkwan's reaction to the news. He's been bouncing on the balls of his feet with excitement since finding out. But Seungkwan's surprise gives Seokmin the impression that there's something not quite right with Seokmin being Jihoon's soulmate. It hurts, a little.

And, because they've been friends forever, Seungkwan seems to sense this. He smooths his face into something softer, less surprised. It's because the hurt is written all over Seokmin's face – he's never been good at concealing his feelings. He wears his heart in his smile, as his mother used to say, growing up.

“There's nothing wrong with it!” Seungkwan says quickly, reaches across the small table to rest his hand on top of Seokmin's. “But,” he adds, “you have to admit, it is a surprise.”

Seokmin looks up, sees the sincerity in his friend's face, and can't help but laugh a little. Sure, he thinks, he can get behind that sentiment. “I guess,” he agrees. It's as if Seungkwan's entire being is working to smooth down Seokmin's few ruffled feathers – he can almost feel it, as a tangible thing.

Seungkwan gives Seokmin's hand a couple of friendly pats, before its warmth is removed. He picks up his own coffee and takes a long sip; he looks as if he needed it, when he puts the mug back on the slightly sticky tabletop. “Jihoon's just not who I pictured as your soulmate, you know?” He continues, friendly, the teasing tone in his voice that Seokmin is oh-so familiar with after years of hearing it.

He looks at Seungkwan, one eyebrow raised. “Who would you have pictured it to be?” he asks, playing along now. He picks up his own mug, blows carefully across the top – a little steam still spirals away from him, at the disturbance – and takes a sip. The sugary caffeine seems to melt into his very being, and settles comfortably inside of Seokmin; he needs it, too. College is tiring work, sometimes. That and he's hardly slept, from excitement admittedly, since he'd finally found his soulmate.

Pretending to look thoughtful, Seungkwan says, “Someone older, or the same age at least. Someone capable and sweet, who'll look after you. Cause, you know, someone has to.”

“Hey!” Seokmin protests, though he's laughing, even as he swats playfully at Seungkwan's arm. “Jihoon's sweet.” It's all he can think to say, and really, even with the rose-tint he's probably looking at the entire thing with now, Seokmin can't quite say that Jihoon's the type to do much 'looking after' really.

Seungkwan laughs at that, loud and unconvinced. A couple of people look over at their table, but neither of them notice. “Sweet?” He questions.

Seokmin nods, ready to defend this sentiment. “Yeah!” He insists. “He always asks me to eat lunch with him. That's sweet, and looking out for me.”

Seungkwan's face twists into laughter again. “That's because he hates to eat alone, and he knows you'll always say yes. That's him looking out for _him_ .”

“It's still sweet of him.” Seokmin pouts, even if he knows that Seungkwan is probably right. In all honesty, _sweet_ isn't exactly a word he'd use to describe Jihoon. Also a word that Jihoon wouldn't like to hear used to describe him, he's sure. But, he feels like he still has to defend his soulmate; he's picked his battle, set his standard; Seokmin will fall on this hill, if he must. “He's nice to me,” he adds.

A level stare is aimed at him, full of disbelief, over the rim of Seungkwan's mug. “He told you just last week he never wants to see your face again.”

“That,” Seokmin says, gesturing a little now, “was because I was teasing him. You know how he is, he doesn't mean it.”

“He threatened to hit you with his guitar.”

“Yeah, but he'd never actually risk hurting his precious guitar with something like my head.”

He finds himself again on the receiving end of one of Seungkwan's _looks_ , and Seokmin just sighs, before dissolving into laughter, Seungkwan soon following suit. “Okay, okay,” he says eventually. “Maybe 'sweet' isn't exactly in his nature. But, he's my soulmate, and...that means something, right?”

Seungkwan's face smooths into something more serious now, and he nods across at Seokmin. His smile is light, but reassuring. “Yeah, of course. It means a lot. I'm glad you found yours, Seok.”

That feeling, an echo of the one that filled him within the moment, when he and Jihoon both realised it for themselves, settles within Seokmin's heart again at Seungkwan's words. It means a lot. It means _everything_ , he thinks. Jihoon doesn't need to be sweet, because he's Seokmin's.

 

**

 

Seokmin had all but given up on finding his soulmate. In his third year of college, and at 22 years old, which seemed a little young to give up, as Seungkwan had pointed out. But it had seemed an almost impossible endeavour, especially as all Seokmin had had to go on was the voice of his soulmate, singing. In his soulmate dreams, Seokmin had only ever heard singing. And whilst the voice was beautiful, and sent chills down Seokmin's arms whenever he thought of it, all he could ever tell was that the voice was definitely male. No other clues to help lead Seokmin in the direction of finding his soulmate.

He'd driven his friends crazy after he'd had his first soulmate dream, and spent hours upon hours listening to all the bands and musicians that he could, wondering if his soulmate was famous maybe.

“ _What if he's an idol?”_ Seokmin had said to Soonyoung back then, eyes wide and full of stars and hopes. _“Or a rock star?”_

But the dreams had continued, and Seokmin had come no closer to hearing it again in the waking world and finding who it belonged to.

He'd tried to give up on all his sappy romantic hopes and dreams, so that when he finally did discover who his soulmate was, it came as a shock. To both of them.

He'd never forget that moment, it was imprinted deep inside his memories, and his heart, for years to come. How Seokmin had been lying sprawled across Soonyoung’s couch, reading through his friend's comics as he waited for Soonyoung to get home.

He hadn't even heard as Jihoon entered – Soonyoung's roommate – and so Seokmin had been startled, at hearing the soft exclamation from behind him suddenly.

“Oh, fuck.”

He'd looked up quickly, and he'd never seen that kind of look on Jihoon's face before, wide-eyed surprise, at a loss for words.

“What is it?” Seokmin had asked, scrambling up from the couch quickly, comic left forgotten, walking across the small living room quickly towards Jihoon. “What's wrong? Did something happen?”

Jihoon had continued to look just as shocked, staring wordlessly at Seokmin.

“You...You... your singing...”

It was then that Seokmin realised, as Jihoon had entered, that he'd been singing some nonsense song to himself, flicking through the pages of the comic.

And as soon as their eyes had met, Seokmin hadn't even needed to hear Jihoon's own singing voice to know. Something had settled into place as the awareness had spread between them, something exciting, something that just felt _right_ . It felt to Seokmin as if he'd found a piece of himself that he hadn't even realised was missing until that very moment. But then it was there, finally, right where it was supposed to be.

Seokmin had smiled, wide and bright and unaware of how potentially blinding it could be in that moment.

Again, all Jihoon could do was utter a single word. “Fuck.”

 

**

 

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _I think we should go on a date!_

 ** _Jihoon:_ ** _What?  
_**_Jihoon:_ ** _Why?_

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _Because!  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _We're soulmates!  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _and I think it'd be nice!_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _That's too many exclamation points for a normal person to use._

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _That! Is not! The point!  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _Come on!_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _...okay. Fine._

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _Yay!!!  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _Let's go out to dinner tomorrow night?_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _We eat together a lot already?  
_**_Jihoon:_ ** _Is that really any different?_

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _:(  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _Baby steps!  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _...So, yes??_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _Yeah.  
_**_Jihoon:_ ** _I'll meet you tomorrow._

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _Yay!!!  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _:-*_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _…  
_**_Jihoon:_ ** _Never send me that face again._

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _Noted!!_

 

**

 

Seokmin has, admittedly, not done a lot of dating in his short adult life so far. He's always been a hopeless romantic and had counted on finding his soulmate, so dating had seemed pointless.

But now that a real, flesh and blood date is here he’s nervous.

It probably doesn't help that his friends had all taken it about as well as Seungkwan had, when Seokmin told them. Mingyu had outright _guffawed_ for a good ten minutes. Soonyoung told Seokmin that it was a good joke, and after Seokmin insisted that it was true, Soonyoung had told him to stop being silly because that's ridiculous. Junhui thought that one of them must be a little confused, despite knowing for himself that when you hear your soulmate you just _know_ .

Minghao had probably been the best about it, looking surprised but then offering Seokmin a soft but sincere congratulations. And Hansol didn’t even seem to register the information properly until a week later, and all he’d said was a casual 'hey that's cool man!'

Seokmin's not surprised, really; it kind of is improbable, all things considered. But it means he has a lot more on his mind and he feels all kinds of nervous, now that he's actually on a date. And that it's with Jihoon. He thinks that he _shouldn't_ be nervous; he's known Jihoon since the start of the school year, when he started living with Soonyoung.

And, Jihoon's his soulmate. That should make things easier, Seokmin thinks.

It doesn't make anything easier, he soon learns.

His stomach has been fluttering uncomfortably the entire time, and Seokmin's been having a mild, internal panic attack about how he'll drop the tongs and ruin the meat he's trying to grill, thanks to his ridiculously sweaty palms. To make matters worse, Jihoon doesn't look nervous at all, Seokmin thinks to himself. He looks as he always does: mildly inconvenienced by everything that's going on around him.

Seokmin's definitely trying, though. Before he left, he even had Mingyu help him pick out something nice to wear, and do Seokmin's hair for him (even if Mingyu had been laughing at him the entire time, because ‘ _Jihoon’s really your soulmate?’_ ) Effort has been made.

Clearing his throat, he looks from the meat he's turning over, up at Jihoon's face. Seokmin's stomach flutters nervously again. “So I realised something,” he starts, looks back down at the meat grilling away between them when Jihoon's eyes briefly meet his own. “You heard my voice, my singing,” he adds, for clarification, “but I haven't heard yours yet?”

Something about this seems to take Jihoon by surprise, as Seokmin looks back up just in time to catch his eyes widening.

“You heard me singing in your dreams?”

“Yeah!” It's what had made it harder for them to identify each other as soulmates, Seokmin had figured, if they were both singing at each other in their soulmate dreams. If it had simply been down to talking, they would have realised from the moment they'd first met and heard each other’s voices. “It...you,” Seokmin corrects, tries to will away the flush of colour he can feel heating up his face, “your voice sounded beautiful in my dreams. I'd love to hear it, sometime.”

When he looks across at Jihoon, a little shyly now, he's surprised to see a slight frown twisting Jihoon's face.

Instead of replying, Jihoon reaches across the table, and Seokmin stares dumbly at him, confused.

Jihoon huffs. “Give me those,” he says, gesturing at the tongs, dangling loosely now in Seokmin's hand.

“Oh!” Seokmin's fingers fumble as he passes the tongs over, and he hears Jihoon _tsk_ ing at him. “What...?”

“You're going to ruin the meat,” Jihoon admonishes.

He cooks it more efficiently than Seokmin – Jihoon must not have sweaty palms, he thinks – and soon they're enjoying actually eating. This, Seokmin thinks, feels normal enough. Before the whole soulmate thing, having meals with Jihoon wasn't unusual. They share the same lunch hour on most of their days between classes, and Seokmin's never been one to say no to a friend's request. But where a silence between them had once been comfortable, now Seokmin is sure he can feel it, every inch and every second of it, weighing upon his shoulders, filling his mouth.

Jihoon isn't exactly a paragon of conversational excellence, either, and doesn't offer Seokmin much help or anything to really work with. He tries to squash away his still nervously wriggling stomach, and smiles across the table at Jihoon.

“Do you like scary stories?” Seokmin asks.

Jihoon, mouth full of food, shrugs a shoulder. “I don't believe in ghosts.”

Seokmin isn't going to let that deflate him, though. He needs to talk, to find something else for his mind to focus on.

“You'll like this, it's a great story,” Seokmin assures, and before Jihoon can disagree, he continues talking, launches into telling his story. “So, one of my aunt's heard this from a cousin, about his friend,” he begins, ignoring the skeptical look already on Jihoon's face. “It was a cold, winter’s night, when this friend was trying to get home after doing overtime at work. It was hailing, as well, big, heavy hailstones that drummed against the roof of the car, when the man had finally caught a cab.”

Despite Jihoon's remark, now he seems to be quite engrossed, eating only a little now and then as he listens to Seokmin speak. There's a small pulse of warmth that beats through Seokmin's chest, seeing Jihoon watch him like that.

“The hail continued to fall,” Seokmin carries on, warming up to it all now, “as the cab made its way through the dark, winding streets towards the man's home. It was late, and because of the weather, there were hardly any other cars on the road, either. It was as they were going through a sparsely populated area, when the man leaned forward to tap the driver on the shoulder. The cab driver let out a loud, terrified scream, and lost control of the car! He swerved to miss a tree, before rolling into a stop up on a grassy verge. Everything was silent for a few minutes, as both the passenger and the cab driver took in what had just happened. Eventually, the cab driver let out a deep breath, and said, 'You scared the life out of me!'”

Now, Jihoon isn't even eating at all, his spoon hovers over his bowl of rice, momentarily forgotten. He nods his head a little at Seokmin, gesturing for him to continue.

Seokmin shifts a little in his chair, and finishes he story, putting on voices now for the two different men as he recounts the tale. “The passenger apologised to the driver, saying, 'Sorry, I didn't realise a tap on the shoulder could scare someone like that!' To that, the cab driver turned around and replied, 'Well, it's my first day on the job.'” And here, Seokmin pauses for effect, lapping up the attention now, as Jihoon's gaze stays trained on Seokmin's face, waiting.

He huffs, a little, impatient.

Seokmin resists the urge to grin, tries to keep the drama and the tension in his voice, that he's built up. “'You see,' the cab driver continued, 'I used to drive a hearse.'” He finishes with what he thinks is a serious, significant look at Jihoon.

There's a long pause of silence, as the words and the story settles in between them, and then Jihoon's laughing. It starts off quiet at first, as if he's trying to resist the urge, but then he can't hold it back, and his small frame is all but dissolving into laughter in front of Seokmin. His shoulders shake, and his eyes are all but gone. The sound is one of such amusement, as well, Seokmin can only stare in wonder.

He feels his heart thud, heavily inside of his chest, before it begins to warm and swell within him. It's possibly the cutest sight he's ever witnessed in his entire life, Jihoon just losing it with laughter.

There's something there, something that Seokmin wants to catch, wishes he could keep and hold and witness it over and over again.

Eventually, the laughter begins to fade away and Jihoon regains some composure. Seokmin's still flailing inside, trying not to admit outloud how cute Jihoon is – he knows he'll probably get a kick, if he does.

“That was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard,” he says, wiping at his eyes, but the smile is still lingering on Jihoon's face. It warms Seokmin's heart further.

He's beaming at Jihoon now, he can't help it. “Yeah, but you enjoyed it,” he points out.

Jihoon shoots him a glare, but it's all show. “It was so bad it was funny.”

“You must have a weird sense of humour then.”

Jihoon huffs a little, but there's no edge to it. He suddenly seems to remember the food, sitting in front of them both. He leans over, plucks some of the meat off a plate, and drops it into Seokmin's bowl.

“Don't waste the food,” is his grumpy sounding comment. But inside, Seokmin is beaming to himself.

When he puts that small piece of meat into his mouth a moment later – grins happily at Jihoon as he chews – he thinks that it's the best food he's ever tasted.

 

**

 

Seokmin falls to his bed with a huff. Both his roommates, Mingyu and Minghao, are out for the evening, so he's alone and bored. He reaches for his phone, hesitates for a moment as his finger hovers over Jihoon's name. Then he opens up their chat room, and quickly types out a message. This is what friends – and dates – are for, right?

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _What are you doing?_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _I was sleeping._

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _!!!  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _No! You weren't!  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _It's 7pm. You couldn't be sleeping yet!!_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _I definitely was._

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _Not this early!!_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _You should try it sometime, it's great._

Seokmin grins to himself, rolls over onto his side and cradles his phone in his hands. It's a little more awkward to type like this, but he doesn't really notice.

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _I'm bored! :(_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _Oh no. You should do something about that._

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _ >|  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _That's why I'm talking to you!_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _That was a terrible idea._

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _Jihoonie~~~_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _Suddenly that's not my name anymore._

He's laughing out loud to himself, now, and there's a lightness to his heart that wasn't there five minutes ago.

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _What were you really doing?_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _I really was sleeping._

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _Oh.  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _Long day??  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _I'm sorry! I didn't mean to wake you!! Go back to sleep!_

It's a few moments longer before Jihoon responds, and Seokmin lays there in bed, chewing on his bottom lip as he waits. It's a relief, when a new message pops up a moment later. To his heart, and his mind. This entire thing is still so new to him that he can't help but worry sometimes, over the seemingly small and inconsequential things.

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _It's fine. Don't worry about it.  
_**_Jihoon:_ ** _Idiot._

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _Ok, good!  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _But, at least I'm your idiot~ :)_

He laughs to himself, just picturing the look of disgust that's probably gracing Jihoon's face as he reads that. He can't help himself, though.

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _…..  
_**_Jihoon:_ ** _You're disgusting._

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _But I'm your disgusting~_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _That doesn't even make any sense.  
_**_Jihoon:_ ** _Ugh._

Before he realises it, almost forty minutes passes by with them just texting each other. It's nothing serious, mostly Seokmin making ridiculous jokes, and sending too many emojis and stickers to Jihoon, and Jihoon's grumpy amusement permeating the room even through text messages. He's surprised, because Jihoon usually can't be bothered to text this much. Seokmin hopes he's enjoying their inane, silly conversation as much as he himself is.

By the time they finish talking and say goodnight ( **_Jihoon:_ ** _Go away now, I want to go back to sleep._ ) Seokmin is still smiling to himself. Mingyu cracks a joke about it, when he comes home and sticks his head into Seokmin's room, to say hello and goodnight at the same time. Seokmin just laughs, and throws a pillow at Mingyu's quickly retreating form.

When he gets into bed later that night, Seokmin wonders to himself if Jihoon is sleeping well, and falls asleep himself with a smile on his face.

 

**

 

“I'm so, so sorry,” Seokmin says, shoots another look over at Jihoon, before his eyes slide to the pavement beneath his feet. His face is hot with embarrassment; he feels like an idiot. “I don't know why I didn't think to pre-book tickets for the movie.”

He catches the shake of Jihoon's head from the corner of his eye – Seokmin still can't quite look at him.

“It's fine, no big deal. We can watch it another time.”

He sneaks another little look over at Jihoon, who's scuffing one tip of his sneaker against the pavement, but otherwise doesn't look angry or annoyed at the situation. Seokmin lets out a soft breath. He really wanted to make Jihoon happy with their date today, and take him to the latest superhero film to grace the cinemas. He'd forgotten that many other people would have had the same plan as well.

“You're sure?”

Jihoon nods. “Yeah. Don't worry. It's annoying.”

There's a lightness to his tone, hints to Seokmin that Jihoon doesn't really mean it. He turns to offer Jihoon a smile.

“Anyway, I've got a laptop and the internet at my place, so we can just find something else to watch instead.”

Seokmin feels his heart stutter as it misses a step. He stares at Jihoon, surprised. “You...you still want to have our date?”

It's Jihoon's turn to look surprised as his eyes meet Seokmin's. Seokmin doesn't miss the way Jihoon's ears turn a little red, either. He looks away from Seokmin quickly. “Uh...I figured...I mean...”

He looks a bit helpless, like Seokmin feels.

“I just,” Seokmin begins, “I thought you'd be too annoyed with me. To, like, carry on?” He feels his own face grow warm, and now Jihoon can't quite meet Seokmin's eyes.

Jihoon shrugs. Kicks at the pavement again. “There's no point cancelling, right?” he says. He tilts his head, gestures back in the direction of the bus stop they'd come from, not long ago. “It'd be a waste of time,” he adds, as if he can't quite admit that maybe he wants to still go on this date.

At least, that's what Seokmin thinks, and hopes.

He smiles. “Sure! We'll find something to watch.”

So they end up back at Jihoon's place, and for once Seokmin feels a small sense of relief knowing that Soonyoung is out working – he'd rather not have one of his best friend's hanging around while he's trying to salvage a date he's still potentially ruined.

Jihoon's room is small, and though Seokmin isn't entirely unfamiliar with it – he'd peeked in a few times, before – it feels a little strange, spending time in here now. There's just enough room for a double bed, a wardrobe in one corner, a desk, and not much else. So, they settle themselves on Jihoon's bed, after Seokmin's stolen some extra cushions from Soonyoung's room, with _Iron Man_ playing on Jihoon's laptop in front of them.

This, Seokmin thinks to himself, is so far from any kind of hanging out he and Jihoon had ever done. Sharing a lunch break and eating together is one thing, but watching a movie, in Jihoon's room...well, Seokmin feels all kinds of nerves wriggling within his stomach. He wonders if Jihoon feels anything remotely similar, but everytime he glances over, Jihoon is watching the movie intensely – even though he's seen it at least thirty times, probably.

Eventually, the action and the humour manages to sweep Seokmin up within it and other thoughts like his unsettled nerves slip to the background. He's forgotten how funny the movie is, and Jihoon seems to agree. More than once they end up practically clinging to each other, laughing helplessly at some of the jokes. (It's more Seokmin that does the clinging, in those moments, but Jihoon seems too busy laughing to actually mind for once).

When the movie is done it seems too early to finish their date, at least as Seokmin says, and as soon as he mentions food Jihoon is happy enough to agree to it. So they end up ordering take-out, relocating to the living/dining room to eat, some variety show playing as the background noise to their meal.

“What did you think,” Seokmin begins, after swallowing a mouthful of pizza, “when you heard my voice in yours dreams?”

Jihoon looks a little taken aback by the sudden question, eyes widening briefly. They narrow again a moment later, after he's had a moment to chew on his food and consider the question. “You were loud,” he says, simply. “Really loud.”

There's Seokmin, dreaming of being told that he had the voice of an angel, or had used to set Jihoon's heart racing, so hearing that instead quickly deflates all his dreamy little fantasies. He frowns, although it's more of a pout, across the table at Jihoon. “Loud?” He questions. “Is that all?”

Jihoon nods, helps himself to another slice of pizza (he's so little, Seokmin thinks, where on Earth does he pack all this food?) “Mhmm. It used to wake me up sometimes, hearing you in my dreams.”

He pouts some more, and Jihoon looks like he's trying to hold something back. It comes out in an amused snigger, and he shakes his head at Seokmin. “Stop it,” he says, before taking a large bite from his slice of pizza.

Seokmin let's his face settle back into something more normal – his usual, easy smile. “Well, I always thought you sounded beautiful,” he says, “when I heard you singing in my dreams.” He doesn't miss the way the tips of Jihoon's ears seem to redden (he's so pale, it's hard to miss when colour fills his face, Seokmin thinks). “I'd go to sleep half the time, hoping that night I'd have another dream.”

It's true though, and it's only a little embarrassing to admit this outloud. But a larger part of Seokmin than his potential embarrassment thinks that Jihoon deserves to know this. Even though the dreams have stopped, now they've found each other, Seokmin can never forget the sweet sound of Jihoon's voice that would haunt his sleep some nights.

“Stop,” Jihoon says again, not quite meeting Seokmin's eyes. He's finished his slice, and reaches into the box for another, but instead of eating it himself, Jihoon leans across the table, pushes the pizza up against Seokmin's mouth. “Stop saying embarrassing things, and just eat,” he admonishes.

Seokmin takes hold of the pizza slice himself, eating it cheerfully. “Never,” he insists with a grin.

Jihoon groans.

“I'd really...I'd really like to hear you sing, though,” Seokmin says, after a moment of quiet eating between them. “For real, I mean. You've heard me, after all.” He's not sure why it's _this_ that's suddenly making him feel shy, but there it is, hovering nervously near his heart.

Jihoon shrugs a shoulder. “Maybe sometime,” is all he offers. It's disappointing, but Seokmin will take a 'maybe'.

 

**

 

Dating his soulmate is not quite as Seokmin used to daydream about, after years of hearing that beautiful, mysterious voice singing through his dreams. It's nothing quite like all the soulmate themed movies and dramas he's watched, either. Those had all been charming, funny romances, making everything seem sweet and easy, and despite whatever issue that might arise to keep the moment of a movie going, would always settle into a firmly happy ending. The kind that makes a heart swell and flutter with satisfaction.

Seokmin's heart certainly does a lot of fluttering, these days. But his stomach twists itself into knots as well and his brain likes to run into overdrive. it's definitely not as easy as the movies and the dramas have made it out to be.

It doesn't help, either, that he knows so few soulmate couples himself. And those that he does know, are so vastly different from his current experience with his own.

His parents are a soulmate couple, and he and his sister had grown up within a warm and loving family unit. But having grown up watching his parents, they had made it seem so simple and easy, too.

And the only friend he has who's found their soulmate is Soonyoung. He remembers Soonyoung's own worries, years ago, about finding his. Remembers him saying things like: _'What am I supposed to do, go to China and try to find him? And then what? China's so big! I can't even speak Chinese!'_ Because Soonyoung's dreams had always involved a sweet voice talking in Chinese. ( _'At least I know he's a cheerful guy, whenever I do find him? He always seems to be laughing about something, when I dream of him.'_ )

It was Soonyoung's soulmate who had found him, though, a chance happening; Soonyoung overhearing someone speaking in Chinese to his friends in passing. But Soonyoung and Junhui are also different from Seokmin, and his own growing experiences with Jihoon. Junhui laughs and teases and craves affection, and Soonyoung is kind and thoughtful and so ready to adore Junhui at any given moment.

“Dude, you can't judge your relationship against other peoples,” Hansol says to him. It comes as a surprise, because Seokmin's been speaking to Seungkwan and Mingyu about it, and Hansol has looked completely absorbed in whatever game he's been playing on his phone for the entire time. It always takes Seokmin by surprise, the things Hansol might actually pick up on when he's seemingly not paying any attention.

So he just gapes a little stupidly at Hansol's sudden words, as Mingyu nods in agreement across the table at him.

“Everyone's different, you know?” Hansol continues, and Seokmin wonders how he can sound like he knows what he's talking about, as if he's experienced an entire lifetime over Seokmin’s own. He's a whole year younger, even to the day, and definitely hasn't found his soulmate yet. “You just gotta figure out what works for both of you.”

Seokmin, still gaping, looks over at Seungkwan and Mingyu. Seungkwan just shrugs, used to this by now, and Mingyu's grinning as he stirs uselessly at his coffee – it's black, there's nothing in it _to_ stir.

He lets out a long sigh, and drops his head to the table. He feels some sticky residue against his forehead, and groans again. “He won't even let me hold his hand,” he mumbles.

Mingyu let's out a laugh, and then Seokmin, still not looking, hears an annoyed little grunt following the laughter. He can only guess that Seungkwan's just elbowed Mingyu, because he's known the both of them for far too long, it seems.

It's true, though. The last time they went out together, Seokmin had tried – pretty bravely too, he thought – to take hold of Jihoon's hand, as they'd walked back towards the nearest subway station together. And Jihoon had grunted something, pulling his hand away. There's still a little ache of hurt, hiding within his heart.

There's a soft kick to his leg, which startles Seokmin, makes him peel his now sticky forehead from the table and look up. Seungkwan's giving him a look, the one that usually follows Seungkwan admonishing him for sulking or being silly.

“You know what Jihoon's like. He's not much for physical contact.”

Seokmin starts to say something about how _he_ is though, and soulmates, and once again Hansol's sudden input stops him mid-sentence in surprise.

“Stop thinking about the soulmate part,” he suggests, and he's not even looking at them this time, eyes back on his phone. “Just date him like a normal person, if you want to be with him.”

The very idea floors Seokmin, stuns him to stillness, so much so that he almost forgets he needs to breathe.

Mingyu's loud laughter pulls him back to the present however. “Yeah, great idea, as if Seokmin's _normal_ ,” he jokes and he's all teeth and smiles as he does so, which is enough to get Seokmin to join in, jokingly protesting this.

It's a valid point, though, and the idea sits within him for the rest of the day. He's not sure how to just date normally, because he's never really done it, so he doesn't know the difference between that and dating a soulmate. But he thinks maybe it's an idea worth trying.

**

Movies and food seem to make up the majority of the time Seokmin spends with Jihoon. Mostly, because those are the kinds of dates that Jihoon will agree to go on. Seokmin doesn't mind, though, he's happy to do whatever, as long as it means he gets to spend more time with Jihoon, gets to know him better. He thinks they're growing closer, slowly, but it feels like it's happening all the same.

The movie they'd watched that night still weighs on Seokmin's mind. It was...it had been scary. Zombies and trains and lots of action. He shivers to himself, as certain parts of the movie spring to mind again. Jihoon had thoroughly enjoyed it, though, and looks unfazed.

“I don't want to go home,” Seokmin says, blinking over at Jihoon.

Jihoon looks across at him, and the expression on Seokmin's face seems enough to have him burst into laughter. A feat that would normally have Seokmin grinning from ear to ear, but right now he's a little too rattled to feel pleased.

“Oh yeah, you have to get the subway home,” Jihoon says, almost sing-songing the words, amused.

Seokmin gasps, the idea having not occurred to him, and he reaches out to hit at Jihoon's shoulder. Jihoon dodges the hit with ease, a master at avoiding physical contact. “Why did you tell me that!”

Jihoon laughs again. “Don't be stupid, there's no zombies in the subway.”

“But,” Seokmin starts, seriously, “there _could_ be. There were no zombies on that train at first, either.”

He reaches out, and briefly manages to catch Jihoon between his arms, and clings. “Please, let me stay here! Don't let the zombies get me!”

Jihoon pushes Seokmin away, although he's laughing as he does so. “Idiot,” he grumbles. “Go home.”

They tease and they laugh a little longer, and Jihoon begrudgingly agrees to let Seokmin stay a little longer, until the fear melts away some more, before forcing him to go home.

“Soonyoung would let me stay,” is Seokmin's weak argument.

“Then go invade Soonyoung's personal space,” is Jihoon's blithe response.

It's not until Seokmin actually makes to leave that he realises he can hear rain, pattering down against Jihoon's bedroom window, a soft, constant melody. He looks down at himself, and then across at Jihoon. “I don't have a jacket,” he says sadly.

“Sucks to be you.”

“Jihoon!” Seokmin pouts, and it makes Jihoon's face twist, although Seokmin strongly suspects it's to hide the smile he doesn't want to show. He hopes so, anyway. “Can I borrow one of your jackets? Please?”

It's not until after he's asked that he realises it's probably a stupid question. Jihoon is so much smaller than Seokmin – in height, and in frame – and he can't imagine any of Jihoon's clothes fitting.

Jihoon huffs, but moves over towards his wardrobe. Seokmin hovers behind, peering in curiously over Jihoon's shoulder; everything is hung neatly inside, clothes mostly consisting of dark colours, and Jihoon pauses for a moment before he pulls out one of his jackets. When Seokmin sees it, he laughs a little. It's a baseball jacket, and it's really cool, but it looks so large for Jihoon that he can only imagine that Jihoon must look adorable whenever he wears it. There's no way it fits him.

There's a look on Jihoon's face, as if he's challenging Seokmin to say anything about the size of it – or his own size – and Seokmin, for once in his short life, has enough sense of self-preservation not to say anything at all.

“Here,” Jihoon says, holding the jacket out towards Seokmin.

Seokmin takes it quickly and pulls it on. He's sure he catches Jihoon's scent, lingering around the collar, and it fills him suddenly with a feeling he has no words for. Something of it must show on Seokmin's face though, because Jihoon's frowning at him.

“Look, I'm only letting you borrow it. Because it's the only one I have that'll even fit you, you tall idiot, and you're too dumb to remember to bring a jacket of your own. It's not like it's my favourite or anything, so don't look like that.”

Seokmin bites his lips, tries not to smile to himself. He's probably failing miserably, judging by the scowl on Jihoon's face.

“Thanks, Jihoonie,” he says, meaning it.

“It's your own fault you're an idiot who doesn't bring a coat when it's supposed to rain.”

Seokmin barely notices the rain as he makes his way to the subway station, wrapped in the begrudging warmth of Jihoon's jacket. It just about fits him, so how large must it be on Jihoon, he wonders.

He texts Jihoon for his entire subway ride home, until Jihoon tells him off for being annoying and talking nonsense, and insists he's going to go to sleep now. Even so, when Seokmin gets home, climbing into bed (after carefully placing Jihoon's jacket into his own wardrobe – he's never giving it back, he thinks) he sends Jihoon a goodnight message filled with ridiculous, cute emoji stickers.

So it comes as a surprise when, a minute later, he receives a reply. Jihoon sends a gagging face, before wishing Seokmin a simple goodnight. There's a warmth that fills Seokmin as he sinks into bed, thinking to himself that despite what he'd said, Jihoon had waited for him to get home.

There's not a zombie anywhere in sight, as Seokmin falls into an easy, comfortable sleep.

 

**

 

“We should do something fun!”

Jihoon looks over at Seokmin, head tilted a little to the side as he frowns. “Like what?”

It's the general air around Jihoon this day that has Seokmin feeling a little worried. There's a tension around him that Seokmin wants to try and help ease. He thinks a distraction might help, something that they don't usually do whenever they hang out and spend time together. His mind flails for a moment as he tries to think of something that will fit. It reaches out for something, and Seokmin blurts the idea out quickly.

“Let's go to the arcade.”

Jihoon snorts, and already it's a much better expression than the one of tension and stress from moments ago. “What are we,” he asks, “fifteen?”

Seokmin laughs, a little louder than necessary, as if he's trying to pass on some of his own excess energy and cheerful nature. “Yes!” He declares, grinning widely across at Jihoon. “We're fifteen and carefree, so let's have fun.”

Jihoon goes to speak, but his eyes meet Seokmin's smiling face, and something seems to falter. He looks a little dazed, and the words die on the edge of being spoken.

Seokmin feels a little confused, wondering to himself what could be wrong. He makes sure to smile even wider, before clapping Jihoon on the shoulder briefly. He feels Jihoon's body sway a little from the unexpected touch.

“Come on. I'm gonna kick your ass at Tekken!”

Jihoon seems to almost shake away whatever it is he's feeling, because he shoots Seokmin a determined glare. “No fucking way,” he declares, as they grab their things and head out the door.

It ends up as a draw on that particular game. But they play a bunch of others too – some that Seokmin outright wins and some that Jihoon wins. He can't get Jihoon to join him on the DDR game, so Seokmin plays that one solo. He starts off pretty well but eventually loses his focus, and he can hear Jihoon laughing as he stands next to the machine and watches. It's so loud and hearty, full of genuine mirth, and Seokmin thinks that he's never actually seen Jihoon laugh as carefree as this before. That's a distraction all on its own; and a boost. Seokmin's game deteriorates into something loud and ridiculous as his energy focuses on making Jihoon laugh more now, instead of actually performing well.

He's breathless, laughing himself when the game is over and he steps off, and Jihoon still can't quite contain himself. There's tears on his face, Seokmin can see, from laughing so much. His heart swells, and his smile does, too.

“You're...” Jihoon's struggling to find his breath, and he shakes his head. “You're an idiot,” he says, face lit with amusement, as he looks up at Seokmin.

It's enough to have Seokmin's heart stumble for purchase, forgetting itself and its actual purpose – which is _not_ to stutter and stop when Jihoon laughs and smiles at him like that, but to keep Seokmin alive. It's doing a very poor job of it just then.

Seokmin can't stop grinning. “Sorry?” He offers, with a helpless little shrug. If being an idiot results in _this_ , he thinks, he'll probably never stop. Especially now all that tension and stress seems to have fallen from Jihoon's shoulders, replaced with an easier sense of joy and contentment. It suits him better, Seokmin thinks.

Jihoon shakes his head, little chuckles still falling from his lips.

There's a new sense of feeling that falls between them after that, Seokmin thinks. If he were playing a game, he imagines that he might have just earned a ton of experience points with Jihoon, and levelled up their relationship. He's unlocked _crying with laughter_ as a new ability. He likes it.

When they've played all the games they want to play, and they’re both feeling lighter from the enjoyment – and their pockets are, too – it's when they've decided to head out that Seokmin spies the claw machines along one of walls of the arcade, enticing him with their cute plush toys hidden inside.

“Oh! Let's do this quick,” he says, and without thinking he reaches out for Jihoon's arm, tugs lightly as he leads them towards the claw machines.

“You never win anything from these games,” Jihoon scoffs, lightly extricating his arm from Seokmin's grip, though he follows along anyway. “They're such a rip off.”

Seokmin turns to shoot Jihoon a glare, though it's all for show because his face dissolves back into his usual easy smile only moments later. “I'll win something,” he declares. “I'll win it for you.”

Jihoon makes a sound of fake gagging, and Seokmin reaches back to swat at his arm, playfully.

“I'm gonna get this one.” Seokmin points out at some animal character that he doesn't know; it's a frowning bird, with small cartoon-like eyes underneath large, exaggerated angry looking eyebrows. “It looks like you.” He shoots Jihoon a grin, even as Jihoon tries to aim a swift kick to Seokmin's leg, in retaliation.

He takes to the task seriously a moment later though, concentrating hard on trying to work out the right angle and the precise moments to hit the button for the claw's descent. The first attempt is a wide miss, and he can hear Jihoon's laughter behind him.

“I told you, you never win from these machines!”

“Ssh,” Seokmin scolds lightly. “I'm going to win.”

Jihoon shrugs. “If you use all your money on that ridiculous game, I'm not paying for your lunch.”

“I won't need lunch, I'll be able to feast on my victory instead!”

The snort of amusement that follows is an extra motivational kick to Seokmin.

His second, and then his third, all the way to his tenth attempt, are near misses. But he's not losing hope, even as Jihoon pipes up beside him every now and then that he's an idiot for wasting this much money. It's on the seventeenth attempt, and even as the claw descends, Seokmin's full of hope, but also entirely expecting the claw to just let go as it had done with every previous attempt. Except this time, the claw closes around the large head of the frowning bird character, and the plushie rises up with it.

“Oh my god,” Seokmin shouts, excited, almost holding his breath, waiting for it to go wrong and for the toy to just drop free before it's hoped-for destination. Both his and Jihoon's eyes widen in surprise when, instead, the toy falls down the little chute. “I won!” Seokmin all but shouts with surprised joy. Jihoon still can't believe it.

Seokmin bends down to grab the toy, and when he straightens up he presents it to Jihoon with a grin. “Here. I told you I'd win something for you.”

It's cheesy as all hell, and Seokmin knows, his own stomach is fluttering a little in protest, but also he can't help himself.

Jihoon makes a face. “I don't want it.”

Seokmin pushes it into Jihoon's hands, ignoring his statement. “It's yours. He's called Hoonie, so take care of him, okay?” He's laughing as he says it, and Jihoon looks like he's struggling with himself for a moment, before he laughs as well. His hand closes over the toy, and Seokmin let's go. Their fingers don't brush together, but Seokmin wishes that they might have.

“Hoonie?” Jihoon questions, an eyebrow raised. “You idiot.”

Seokmin nods, quite happy to agree with this statement. “But, at least I'm _your_ idiot.”

“Gag,” Jihoon says, trying to frown with distaste. It doesn't quite work, though.

There's a little more sense of ease between them as they make their way out of the arcade soon after. Jihoon still has hold of the toy and keeps making comments about being embarrassed, but Seokmin can see that the tips of Jihoon's ears are red, and grins to himself every time.

They decide to call it a day, because Jihoon has some college work he really needs to get started on. Seokmin thinks that maybe that was the cause of Jihoon's earlier stress, and hopes that now he's had a break and relaxed a little he can get back to it with a renewed sense of motivation. After all, Seokmin himself feels like he could probably leap a building, or fight off a dragon (not that he'd _want_ to fight a dragon, he thinks, he'd rather try to talk things out first) with the way his heart is all but dancing inside his chest, full of joy and feelings that Seokmin can't quite name. If Jihoon is feeling even half of that, then he should be okay. Seokmin hopes so, at least.

Their trains home take them in opposite directions, so it comes up all too soon when it's time to part. Seokmin's chest is full of feelings, and he doesn't know what to do with any of them, just knows that he wants to do _something_ . Something, to express his sense of joy and happiness from time spent with Jihoon today. But he doesn't know what that is, or what it should be. His mind touches, only briefly, on the thought of a kiss, before it quickly shies away again. He can't even imagine kissing Jihoon yet without wanting to freak out and scream, and the butterflies burst to life in his stomach, suddenly. Not yet.

But he wants to do something. Hold Jihoon's hand, maybe, or a hug? There's been the barest amount of physical contact between them since finding out that they're soulmates, and Seokmin's not sure how to go about this, and how to traverse Jihoon's boundaries. It's difficult, he thinks, to know how to go around another person’s when he himself doesn't have any boundaries really.

He's thinking so hard about this, as they're on the verge of saying goodbye, and he doesn't know what kind of looks are crossing his face but Jihoon is watching each and every expression that passes. Seokmin doesn't realise, either, that he's leaning in closer as he considers things.

A moment passes, heavily, and then Jihoon begins to sputter out some words, breaking it. “Okay, well, thank you. For the. For the toy, and. The things. It was great. Yeah. Cool.”

Seokmin was in the process of raising a hand – to do what with, he has no idea – and Jihoon seems to blink for a moment before he raises his own, and offers Seokmin an awkward high five. “Great. Uh, see you...later?”

He has time only to utter a quick goodbye in return, because Jihoon's already turning away, heading towards his subway line. Seokmin stands there, blinking, a little confused by that entire exchange. As quick as he was though, Jihoon hadn't turned away before Seokmin had seen the intense blush that had flooded his cheeks. It's possibly the cutest yet he's ever seen Jihoon, and it's an image that haunts Seokmin's mind for the rest of his way home.

The awkward high-five and that brief touch of Jihoon's palm against his own lingers, too.


	2. Had It All Figured Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which feelings are, possibly, beginning to catch. And misunderstandings, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is [Fireworks](https://open.spotify.com/track/3qJImzh896FdKl5mJfpFaC) by First Aid Kit. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

“He gave you a high-five!” Seungkwan's laughter is loud and carries through the coffee shop. He earns himself a few looks from people that he doesn't even notice anyway.  


“Ssh!” Seokmin says, though he's laughing too; it's funny for Seokmin to be telling anyone else to be quiet.  


“Oh my god,” Seungkwan wheezes, wiping at his eyes. “No wonder he's never really dated before. What the hell, Seok? What did you do?”  


Seokmin shrugs, a little helplessly. “I...let him? And then he ran away before I could do or say anything else.”  


Seungkwan shakes his head. “You two are pathetic, you know that, right?”  


The glare that Seokmin gives him slides straight off Seungkwan, unaffected – it's a weak glare anyway, to be fair.  


He toys with the crumbs from the brownie he’d had, left behind on the plate. “It's not like I know what I'm doing here, either.”  


“Yeah,” Seungkwan says, voice loud and still full of amusement. “You can tell.”  


Seokmin reaches a leg out, tries to kick Seungkwan in the shin, but his foot collides with the table leg instead. He huffs, trying to sulk in mock-pain, but Seungkwan's laughing again and Seokmin joins in soon enough.  


“I still can't believe he gave you a high-five,” Seungkwan says eventually. “What're you two gonna do when you get married? Shake hands?”  


It's just a joke – a ridiculous, albeit a good one, Seokmin can admit to that – but the very idea of it has a sharp bolt of electricity zip down Seokmin's spine, and for a moment he loses his breath. He sucks it back in again a moment later and finds himself laughing, because it _is_ a funny mental image.  


“You're probably right,” he says, chuckling still. He can just imagine Jihoon's words, to go along with that handshake, something like _'Yeah, uh...thanks, for the, um, thanks for the wedding. Or whatever._ '  


As he takes a long sip from his sweet latte, Seokmin wonders to himself if the universe has a cosmic sized sense of humour, them being fated to be together. He hopes their awkward attempts at dating are proving amusing at least, to whoever or whatever aligned them together like this.

 

**

 

Seokmin is sick of being sick. He's had to miss a few classes that week because of it, though luckily Minghao shares some of them with Seokmin so he's been able to get some kind of catch up. The worst part, though, is how he's not seen Jihoon all week, either. It sounds sappy, even inside Seokmin's own mind (and he's well versed in how ridiculous his own thoughts tend to be) but part of him just aches to see Jihoon's face again, and be around him. Seokmin misses him. But, he didn't want to get Jihoon sick – he knows Jihoon wouldn't take time off even with a fever, and didn't want to be the cause. That, and Jihoon had text him, saying in no uncertain terms to ' _stay the fuck away from me'._ (He had, five minutes later, sent another message wishing for Seokmin's stupid face to feel better soon, which had had Seokmin grinning like the idiot that he is).  


It's the weekend now, and Seokmin feels like he's reached the other side of whatever illness that he has, but he still doesn't feel strong enough to go out and do anything yet. That, and Mingyu had told him, quite firmly, to just stay in bed.  


But he's also no longer sick enough to be content just lying in bed sleeping on and off. He's _bored_ . He's already rewatched a lot of episodes from his favourite anime, and caught up on some movies he missed ages ago at the cinema (movies that, he thinks, Jihoon isn't interested in watching, so why not watch when he's actually forced to be on his own?)  


He picks up his phone and without even thinking, begins typing messages to Jihoon. His earlier messages, he sees, are all fever-fuelled nonsense.  


**_Seokmin:_ ** _I'm bored~~~~_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _Go away, you'll infect me._

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _I can't get you sick through text!!!_

 **_Jihoon:_ ** _Sure you can.  
_**_Jihoon:_ ** _I'm already starting to feel sick._  
  


**_Seokmin:_ ** _:( !!!  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _I miss you!_  
  


**_Jihoon:_ ** _Now I'm definitely feeling sick._

 **_Seokmin:_ ** _:( !!!!!!!!!!!!!  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _I haven't seen you in a million years!  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _I'll take you out for dinner when I'm better!  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _Which should be soon, I think!  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _I'm actually awake and feeling more normal today! :)_  
  


**_Jihoon:_ ** _Since when have you ever been normal?  
_**_Jihoon:_ ** _And you've been sick, so I'll treat you to dinner.  
_**_Jihoon:_ ** _Idiot._  
  


Seokmin almost flings his phone aside when he reads through Jihoon's latest messages, and he doesn't even attempt to tame the smile that spreads across his face, wide and giddy with his happiness. It's not until there's a knock on his door and Minghao's poking his head around, that Seokmin realises that the shriek of joy he'd just let out had been out loud, instead of just inside his heart.  


“You okay?” Minghao asks, looking at Seokmin with concern – although still maintaining a safe distance.  


He can feel his ears heating up, and hopes he doesn't look as obviously embarrassed as he suddenly feels at almost being caught out acting like some ridiculous teenager. “Oh, fine,” he says, and forces out a fake cough, just in case.  


Minghao raises an eyebrow at him, but let's it go, to Seokmin's relief. “Okay. Give a shout if you need anything, yeah?”  


Seokmin nods, offers Minghao a smile and a thanks, and feels his heart growing again; Minghao's such a good friend, he thinks to himself.  


When he's alone again a moment later, he returns his attention back to his phone and sees another notification up on the screen.  


**_Jihoon:_ ** _?  
_**_Jihoon:_ ** _Did you actually die?_  
  


Seokmin can't help himself. He's giddy and full of feelings and instead of replying, he just dials Jihoon's number instead. It's not until Jihoon actually picks up that the nerves come alight, dancing beneath Seokmin's skin. They usually text, or see each other in person. Talking on the phone, in real time, is a new thing and Seokmin's accidentally just forced it upon them both, without warning, without preparing.  


There's a sharp intake of breath, Seokmin hears, when Jihoon picks up. He wonders if Jihoon is thinking the same kind of thing as he is.  


He forces his voice out into something resembling his usual, easy cheer. “Hi!” His heart is pounding double speed the entire time though. Should he be letting himself feel like this, when he's still trying to get over being sick?  


Jihoon let's out the breath he's holding in one long sound, soft against Seokmin's ear. “Hey.” He sounds nervous, Seokmin thinks, an awkward edge to his voice. “Uh...what's, um, up?”  


Seokmin wants to laugh, because really there's something so endearing to him about that awkwardness, but he knows it'll only make Jihoon feel worse if he does. He bites it back, let's himself grin about it instead – because Jihoon can't see that.  


“I just couldn't be bothered to type anymore,” Seokmin lies; really, it's because he's missed the sound of Jihoon's voice. “I'm sick, remember? Staring at the screen hurts.”  


“Uh-huh,” Jihoon says, and he sounds a little more normal, now. “The screen hurting didn't stop you from marathoning _Yugioh_ yesterday though, did it?”  


This time Seokmin does laugh, a little sheepishly. “Be quiet.”  


Jihoon let’s out a laugh himself. “This conversation's gonna go really well then.”  


It goes from there and the longer they take, the more the awkwardness begins to fall away, Seokmin thinks, slowly and piece by piece. It's as if each time he cracks a joke, and every time Jihoon's laughter lilts down the phone and against his ear, another chunk of it breaks apart, falls off and floats away. There are still moments though, dips and gaps of silence that settle between them, and Seokmin can feel every second like a heavy breath against his ear. That's when he fills it with whatever he can think of, usually something inane and out of nowhere. Jihoon doesn't seem to mind, though, and grudgingly follows the conversation wherever it leads.  


Soon enough, Seokmin starts to feel tired again, his energy ebbing faster than it usually would, and it must sound somehow in his voice.  


“Ugh, I can't believe how long you can talk for,” Jihoon says, and though his words might sound sharp, there's no edge to his tone whatsoever. It's almost a little soft, Seokmin thinks, for Jihoon. “I was gonna watch a movie or something, too.”  


“Oh,” Seokmin says, smiling to himself. “Sorry?”  


“Nah, don't worry.” There's a pause, it sits heavily between them both for a moment, before Seokmin hears Jihoon expel the air from his lungs, a little loud after their silence. “I'm glad you're, uh, starting to feel better,” he says, and it sounds so awkward, as if he's a robot trying to remember how humans are supposed to speak to each other; stilted and stiff, and still, Seokmin can feel the sincerity behind each word. “You should get some sleep. You should let _me_ get some sleep.”  


He laughs then, because that's when he sounds like the Jihoon that Seokmin has spent all this time getting to know. His grumpy little soulmate. Not that he can ever say so outloud to Jihoon, or else risk death.  


“Okay, okay,” Seokmin says, though he can't hide the yawn that crawls its way out of him; he really is feeling tired now. “Sorry to keep you up. I'll see you on Monday?”  


“Only if you're not contagious anymore,” warns Jihoon.  


Seokmin laughs, and they say their goodbyes.  


He falls asleep quickly. It's dreamless and deep, the kind of rest that Seokmin needs, so it's not until he wakes up the next morning when he sees the message on his phone. The timestamp is thirty minutes after they finished their phone call, and Seokmin can't help but laugh even as he feels stupidly gleeful inside. Who takes thirty minutes to send such a short message? Only Jihoon, he thinks to himself.  


It's a simple message, but one that has Seokmin's heart growing exponentially.  


**_Jihoon:_ ** _Sweet dreams._

 

**

 

Seokmin's back to full strength now, no signs of illness and able to get up and go to classes. Which means he's also now able to see Jihoon again, and spend time with him. He's standing outside the door to Jihoon and Soonyoung's apartment, feeling a little nervous. He's not really sure why; he and Jihoon have spent weeks and weeks now getting to know each other, slowly learning to be more comfortable together (or so Seokmin hopes) and yet he feels all sweaty-palms, heart-racing nervous, as he stands there and waits for Jihoon to answer the door.  


The door is pulled open a moment later, and Seokmin has only a moment to register that it's actually Jihoon before he feels himself being pulled forcibly inside. “What-?” He starts, but the words leave his body when he feels Jihoon's arms around his waist.  


Seokmin stands there, stunned, to find himself pulled into a tight embrace. Over the sudden pounding of his pulse within his ears, Seokmin reciprocates, winds his arms around Jihoon in return and oh, he knows he can never say this outloud for fear of death, but Jihoon feels so small and so _perfect_ , held between Seokmin's arms like this.  


It's the most physical they've been since discovering they were soulmates, and Seokmin can feel every beat of his wildly racing heart, heavy within his mouth. So far, everything between them has been simple: watching movies together, getting meals with each other, just general hanging out and plenty of silly text messages (mostly from Seokmin, admittedly). Very sweet, and very chaste. Seokmin doesn't mind, he's been deliriously enjoying every moment, every development, and every show of growth between them. But, now that he knows how Jihoon feels like this, held tight between his arms, it’s as if something else has come alive within Seokmin.  


Something that loves the sweetness and the silliness, but that now begins to dream of other things, also. Like, more embraces such as this. Holding each other's hands, fingers twined comfortably together. Kissing. Maybe even...Seokmin doesn't let his feelings wander any further. He's barely prepared to think of even this, let alone travel down that road proper yet.  


But it's awake within him now, aware and slowly growing.  


It's only moments in reality, and then Jihoon's stepping back, out of Seokmin's arms, out of his reach. He doesn't quite meet Seokmin's eyes, but Seokmin can see the hot blush that covers Jihoon's cheeks.  


“If you ever talk about this, _ever_ ,” he emphasises sternly, “I will kill you. Yeah?”  


Seokmin fights to keep away the grin that wants to spread across his face, tamps down on the desire to tease and needle Jihoon about actually having feelings. He doesn't want to ruin this moment he's so unexpectedly been given. “Yes, sir!” he says instead, gives Jihoon a silly salute, to which Jihoon simply rolls his eyes and stalks off towards his bedroom.  


Seokmin follows with a laugh.  


He thinks to himself – hopes to himself – that that was Jihoon's way of saying _'I missed you too.'_

 

**

 

“And so I said, 'hey, that's my boyfriend you know!'” Seokmin finishes his story off with wild gesticulations, almost hitting Soonyoung in the face with his added flair.  


Even as Soonyoung pushes away Seokmin's wayward elbow he's creasing into laughter, his loud almost-howls nearly drowning out Jihoon's quiet voice, which comes from behind them, a surprise.  


“Boyfriend?”  


The laughter fades slowly, and Seokmin turns around on the couch, looks over his shoulder to see that Jihoon had been walking through the small living room, seemingly caught by the conversation he and Soonyoung are having. His face has gone pale – paler than it usually is – until a moment later when it floods with colour. Seokmin's caught Jihoon blushing a few times by now, but this is by far the deepest shade of red he's yet to see grace Jihoon's cute face.  


He tries to exude a certain amount of nonchalance, though he's woefully aware that it's probably awkwardness that really rolls off of him, as Seokmin replies. “Yeah. Boyfriends. I mean, we've been dating each other for awhile now, so I figured we were? Right?” The longer he speaks the more uncertain his voice grows, and Soonyoung sits there on the couch besides Seokmin, looking between the both of them as if they're the biggest pair of dorks he's ever seen.  


Were Seokmin more with it in that moment, he would have pointed out that Soonyoung only required a mirror, whenever he was with Junhui, to truly see the biggest pair of dorks in the world. But he's not with it, his eyes are trained on Jihoon's face, trying to catch any (every) tiny emotion that crosses it, and understand them. He doesn't speak _Jihoon_ well enough yet to properly interpret though.  


“Oh, yeah,” Jihoon answers stiffly, face still red. He gives a curt nod, eyes sliding past both Seokmin and Soonyoung. “Sure. Whatever you want. Makes no difference to me.” He shrugs and turns away and, if Seokmin doesn't know better (and perhaps he doesn't) he'd think that Jihoon was running away, out of the living room and into his own instead.  


“Huh,” Seokmin mumbles, sitting back around on the couch again. He catches Soonyoung's eye, and sees that his friend seems to be laughing at him.  


“Haven't had that talk yet?” Soonyoung asks, in mock sympathy.  


Seokmin shoves at him, playfully, barely. “Not exactly. But I think he took it okay?”  


Soonyoung lets out a loud, amused laugh. “I think he's dying of embarrassment right now!”  


They both fall silent for a moment, as if listening out for any signs of Jihoon actually dying of embarrassment in his bedroom. Of course, they hear nothing and both burst out into laughter again a moment later.  


When they settle down, Soonyoung says, a little more seriously, “You've really done a number on him, though, Seok.”  


“What?” Seokmin's eyes widen a little. “What do you mean?”  


Soonyoung levels a look at him. “He's really different lately.”  


“How so?”  


“He's...he's been,” and here Soonyoung lowers his voice, leans in towards Seokmin, “ _in a good mood!_ ”  


Seokmin blinks before he laughs, almost taken in by Soonyoung's play-acting then. He smacks Soonyoung in the shoulder. “You dork.”

 

Soonyoung shakes his head, though there's a smile tugging the corners of his mouth now too. “I mean it. He's been unusually cheerful. Don't tell him I said that, though!”  


“Of course,” Seokmin says, miming keeping his mouth shut. “We'd both be dead then.”  


The thought lingers, long past when they've finished talking about Jihoon and moved onto other things, and Seokmin finds himself wondering if he really has caused any kind of change within Jihoon like that. It seems a powerful ability, to be able to move someone's heart and affect a person in such a way, and Seokmin can't believe that of himself.

 

**

 

Jihoon's awkwardness after that seemed to dial itself up to 11. Seokmin's not exactly sure why, but he's just observant enough to actually notice it, and feel it.  


It's almost every time they touch, for example. Seokmin's a naturally touchy, affectionate kind of guy, especially when he's laughing (or when he's crying, depending on the movies they watch together sometimes) and it always happens without him even thinking about it, his hand reaching out to seek the comfort of an arm, a shoulder, a waist. After the third time, Seokmin doesn't fail to notice the way Jihoon always seems to stiffen up, ears red, before easily extricating himself from Seokmin's grip. Sometimes it's followed by a grouchy sounding joke ( _'What are you, an octopus?'_ ) and sometimes it's just a soft grunt, a roll of the eyes.  


And yet sometimes, only when Jihoon's sleepy – and, Seokmin thinks, skirting the edge of vulnerable – he all but burrows himself beside Seokmin, reminding him strongly of a cute koala bear, clinging and cuddly. (Jihoon doesn't even look at Seokmin, whenever he's caught after these rare moments).  


There are times when Seokmin throws out easy compliments, free and giving with his affections, and Jihoon can't even construct a proper sentence for a good five minutes afterwards. Instead, he tends to press his lips together firmly, exuding an air of awkward stiffness. And, Seokmin's sure, he's heard Jihoon muttering to himself on at least more than one occasion about how someone can _smile so goddamn much it’s stupid_ when Seokmin's in the midst of joyful laughter.  


It makes Seokmin feel even more clumsy at times himself, and he knows he's artless and overthinks everything. He stumbles through it all with his usual easy disposition and sunny smile, but sometimes he thinks he's not sure now what he's supposed to do with his hands. Was he smiling too wide, and how does social interaction work between two semi-functioning adults in the first place?  


There was that time, one afternoon when eating lunch together. Jihoon had reached across the small table, chopsticks and food held out towards Seokmin, and Seokmin had mistakenly thought that Jihoon might be trying to be cute and feed him, and had opened his mouth in silent joy, ready. (Seungkwan had howled with laughter, later, when Seokmin had phoned him to tell him about his awkward pain). Jihoon's arm had stopped moving, halfway across the table, and he'd just stared at Seokmin, an unfathomable look on his face. Nothing had happened for such a long, drawn out moment, until the food had dropped from between Jihoon's chopsticks, landing with a soft _splat_ on the tabletop. He'd pulled his arm back towards himself, stared down hard at his bowl of food, and muttered words that Seokmin couldn't quite hear, and they'd said nothing to each other for a good five minutes, eating their food in awkward, red-faced silence.  


_(“He was probably trying to just pass it to you, you dork,”_ had been Seungkwan's wise words, over the phone later that night).  


It's become a somewhat clumsy dance around each other, and more than once Seokmin finds himself wondering if being soulmates wasn't supposed to make this _easier_ (because it's not).

 

**

 

A few of them are out one Friday night, not for anything wild – they've all been in college for long enough now to have had their fair share of parties and the like – and they're trying to decide what to do. There's a chill to the air now, as the year has begun to march it's way slowly towards it's inevitable end. Seokmin's all bundled up warmly in his favourite scarf (a ratty old thing, now, a gift from Soonyoung years ago) and Jihoon's oversized baseball jacket. It's been living safely in Seokmin's wardrobe, and he thinks he can still catch hints of Jihoon's scent, whenever he turns his head.  


Jihoon's ears colour slightly when he sees Seokmin wearing his jacket, but Seokmin puts it down to Jihoon not wearing a hat, because the evening air is a little brisk against bare skin.  


There's a debate going on, loudly, between Soonyoung, Mingyu and Seungkwan, about where they want to go. Jihoon's stood quietly near Seokmin, occasionally shooting down a terrible idea (usually Mingyu's). Junhui's tall frame attempts to cuddle up against Soonyoung's, as he nods along easily to everything that's being suggested.  


“What about karaoke?” Seokmin throws in his own few won. His eyes flick down to Jihoon, who's simply giving him an unimpressed look – it's worth a try, Seokmin thinks. Outloud, with a wide grin to match, he laughingly says to Jihoon, “I _will_ get you to sing for me one day!” He nudges Jihoon with his elbow, a gentle motion, but still Jihoon seems to rock a little from it, blinking. “Don't think I've forgotten, because I haven't.” One day, Seokmin vows, he will hear the voice to match his old soulmate dreams.  


Jihoon looks away, seems to hunch up into himself and make his already small frame look even smaller, an action that makes Seokmin sway and want to reach out, enfold Jihoon into his arms, into himself.  


He doesn't quite catch the irritated mumbles that Jihoon makes, just enough to know that whatever Jihoon's saying makes no sense, hears snatches of words that sound like _“This wasn't part of the plan, dammit.”_ Seokmin has no idea what Jihoon might be talking about, but he laughs again, brightly, and though he doesn't miss the way Jihoon's feet seem to stumble briefly as they start walking (they've decided to hit up a nearby bar, for now) Seokmin definitely misses why.

 

**

 

“Hey!”  


Seokmin finds himself woken up to a grumpy exclamation, and a swift _smack_ to his shoulder. It startles him out of the sleep he wasn't even aware of falling into, so he blinks as he looks around himself, suddenly confused. As he sees Jihoon's face, looking surprisingly close to his own, a small frown across it, he remembers slowly. It's date night ( _“don't you dare call it that again!”_ ) and Seokmin must have nodded off as they'd sat together on Jihoon's bed, watching things on his laptop.  


“Finally,” Jihoon grumbles. “I can't believe you fell asleep through it. You missed a great episode.”  


Seokmin pushes himself up from where his sleeping body had sunken down, and offers Jihoon a sheepish smile of apology. He runs the fingers of one hand through his hair, tries vainly to push it back into place again – he can feel where sleep has mussed it up at the back.  


“Sorry,” he says, easily. “I'll catch up later. I promise, it wasn't because it's not good!”  


Jihoon rolls his eyes, but Seokmin catches the slight smile that he's trying to hide. “You better,” he replies.  


Seokmin's efforts to sit up properly unintentionally bring him closer to Jihoon, who still hasn't moved back from leaning over Seokmin, trying to wake him moments ago, and suddenly they're much closer than Seokmin's anticipated. Now it's him who leans a little over Jihoon as he tries to keep his balance, and they blink at each other. A long moment stretches between them, filled with emotions that Seokmin can't name, within himself, and, he thinks, that cross briefly over Jihoon's face. It's tense and thick, and Seokmin tries hard not to let his thoughts wander wildly to where they want to go. He makes himself not look down at Jihoon's lips. He can taste the frantic heartbeats beneath his tongue, heavy inside his mouth.  


It's broken suddenly, when Jihoon sucks in a sharp breath and reaches out to shove at Seokmin – shoves at the emotions trying to build their way between them, seemingly – and says, stiffly, “Get up. It's late, and I want to sleep.”  


Seokmin fumbles for a smile, as he gives in and pushes himself up from Jihoon's bed. A quick glance at his phone shows that it is actually pretty late, and Seokmin wonders how long Jihoon actually let him sleep for. (And, why).  


It's at the door of Jihoon's apartment, when Seokmin's allowed another quick glimpse of feelings. The rest of the apartment is dark and quiet, Soonyoung already asleep, Seokmin thinks, as the entrance light turns on and Seokmin finds his shoes. It's in the doorway, a moment later as Seokmin leaves, and Jihoon leans out a little bit behind him. It's in Jihoon's words, as he bids Seokmin goodnight.  


“Minghao says you guys have been working pretty hard for classes lately.”  


Seokmin turns, surprised, and nods at Jihoon. “Yeah, there's a practical assessment coming up soon. I've been putting in a lot of hours to prepare for it.” He rubs at the back of his neck, sleep still hanging loosely around his shoulders.  


Jihoon lets out a quiet, thoughtful little hum. “Get some rest,” he says a moment later. “Don't you dare fall asleep next time.”  


Seokmin is sure he can feel the real intention beneath the words, and he smiles, laughs when Jihoon shoos him away.  


His heart swells that little bit larger, when he's sitting on the subway on his way home, paging through his phone. It takes him by surprise when he opens his photo album and finds a bunch of cute close up selcas of Jihoon's face.  


He sends one of the pictures in a text to Jihoon, followed simply by several question marks.  


**_Jihoon:_ ** _You should really put a password on your phone, dummy._

Seokmin laughs, and immediately makes one of the pictures his new phone wallpaper. Smiles to himself for the entire subway ride home.

 

**

 

Seokmin doesn't know how it happened, but somehow, Jihoon had agreed to go shopping with him. Two things he's learnt about Jihoon during their time together:  


1: Jihoon doesn't like going outside when he can help it.  
2: Jihoon's not fond of spending hours shopping.  


And yet here he is, after Seokmin had smiled sunnily at him that afternoon and asked, “Hey, do you want to come shopping with me today?”  


He's happy about it, all the same, as they walk through the streets together, wandering in and out of shops.  


“What are you looking for, anyway?” Jihoon asks, after they come out of another place without buying anything.  


Seokmin looks over at him, shrugs his shoulders and smiles. “Nothing, really,” he admits. “I just like shopping!”  


He definitely doesn't miss the loud groan Jihoon let's out. “Ugh! I thought you needed stuff!”  


“I do need stuff!” Seokmin says, in his defense. “I just...haven't seen anything I need yet!”  


Jihoon reaches out to swat at his shoulder, and Seokmin lets out a loud laugh as he tries to dodge lightly away. He’s sure there will be a permanent impression of Jihoon’s hand in that spot soon, the amount of times he likes to swat at Seokmin.  


They wander into a shop that has a range of cute and fun items, from plush toys to stationary, to small household items and trinkets. Seokmin's fingers – and wallet – itch at the sight of so many cool looking things to buy. ( _“You don't need that!”_ Jihoon says, about the small plant pot in the shape of an anime character's head that Seokmin makes grabby hands at).  


Seokmin finds himself in front of a wall of phone cases. “Oh! I actually needed a new phone case,” he says, stepping closer to take a look. A few catch his eye, and he picks some out, before calling Jihoon over to him. “Hey, what about these?” he says with a wide grin, holding out a couples phone case for Jihoon to see.  


Jihoon's face twists into a look of disgust and he shakes his head, pushes Seokmin's hand away. “Ugh, no way. That's the worst?”  


Seokmin looks down at the cases before putting them away with a shrug. “What, you don't like the colour?” he asks innocently. “It comes in black, too.”  


He turns back to see Jihoon still pulling that face. “I can't stand that shit,” Jihoon says. “Couples stuff. Matching things. It's cringey.”  


“Oh.”  


Seokmin ends up just grabbing a plain black phone case, before they leave.  


They wander through a few other shops before deciding to sit down and eat somewhere. They end up finding a small bibimbap place down a little side-street, and settle themselves in for some food. There's pretty, soundtrack music playing in the background, and several other patrons at the tables around them – not too many to be busy, and not too few to feel empty. It's nice. And, there's more of a sense of ease between them, now; eating together is something they're used to. Before soulmates and dating and feelings had come into the mix.  


As they eat, Seokmin catches sight of a couple sitting together a few tables in front of them, feeding each other cutely. He's a bit of a sucker for all things romantic, including other peoples romance. “Aww,” he coos softly. “They look so cute together!”  


Jihoon turns a little in his seat and catches sight of what Seokmin's looking at. When he turns back, it's with a look of mild dislike on his face. “Urgh,” is all he says, before returning to his food.  


“Wow, my soulmate's such a romantic!” Seokmin says, teasing lightly, an easy smile on his face. Beneath the table he nudges Jihoon's foot with his own, playfully. Jihoon tries to scowl at him, but with a mouthful of food, and in the face of even Seokmin's easy smile, it fails.  


“Sorry, _honey_ ,” Jihoon says, mouth twisting as he jokingly throws the nickname at Seokmin, “there was never any guarantee of romance.”  


Seokmin sighs, dramatically, pretends to look woe-be-gone, and Jihoon scoffs at him.  


“Idiot.”  


“That's more like it,” Seokmin says, grinning now.  


They eat in peace for a little while, simply enjoying their food and their company, before Jihoon speaks up again. “I'll tell you what's not romantic,” he says, picking up from what they'd been saying not long ago. Seokmin turns in his seat a little, follows the direction of Jihoon's gaze, to see a young couple – probably high school age, Seokmin thinks – that are just being seated at a table together. They're both wearing a matching hoodie set, a soulmates couple set, each declaring the other their heart's one desire. It's cheesy, even to Seokmin's taste, but they look young and happy and so really, what's the harm.  


He turns back to look at Jihoon. “I think they're cute,” he says with a light shrug.  


“It's not romantic, though,” Jihoon says, “it's ridiculous. Why does the whole world need to know they're soulmates? With tacky, overpriced sets?”  


He digs into his bibimbap with a little too much force, then, before chewing on his food in grumpy, contemplative silence. Seokmin feels like he's missed a step somewhere.  


“They're kids.” Seokmin says this as if he and Jihoon are so much older and wiser – they're not, they're only college age, but the difference feels big to Seokmin when he looks back on it.  


“I didn't even plan on finding my soulmate,” Jihoon says, and Seokmin's hand stills, for a moment, in the middle of bringing a spoonful of food to his mouth. “I never got the big deal of it. Some...some unknowing _thing_ out there in the universe decides for you who you'll be best suited to? No thanks.”  


Seokmin's stomach feels heavy inside himself and his spoon clatters roughly against the hot stone bowl. “But...but you did find me.” His voice comes out unusually small, and he swallows thickly, wishing that it hadn't. He knows that Jihoon isn’t really talking about _him_ – probably, a small voice whispers - that he's just not into public displays of affection, and suddenly he's surrounded by it.  


Jihoon's eyes widen, his expression seeming to momentarily say _oh shit_ , before he huffs quietly, looks away awkwardly.  


“Yeah, well...” he seems to struggle for something to say, and Seokmin's chest still feels heavy, his stomach full of rocks, his lungs full of something that he can't breathe in, or exhale. “Well, you don't do shit like that,” he finishes, feebly.  


The rest of their afternoon together feels stilted and stiff, the atmosphere thick and sticky between them, untraversable. Seokmin sinks into the mood, unable to pull himself out from the weighted pressure around them. Jihoon's more awkward than usual, too. Jokes between them missing the mark, long stretches of silence that are suddenly anything but comfortable. Seokmin can't stop thinking, around and around in circles, about what Jihoon said. _No thanks.  
_

Eventually he claims boredom of shopping, tells Jihoon that he needs to go home and work on his drama project with Minghao. He does need to work on it, but he knows Minghao isn't even home for it; Seokmin had kept his day completely free, for Jihoon.  


“O-oh,” Jihoon says, and he nods slowly, not quite meeting Seokmin's eyes. He looks a little deflated, but Seokmin doesn't really notice it. “Okay. Well, um...don't work too hard, yeah?”  


Usually, Seokmin would have revelled in that small hint of softness from Jihoon – and he does a little bit anyway, admittedly, because his own heart is always soft for Jihoon – but he's a little too quick to leave to properly appreciate it.  


“I'll try,” he offers, throws a smile up in Jihoon's general direction.  


He's never felt like this before, so Seokmin doesn't really know or understand what these emotions are, as they flutter and thunk and weigh heavily inside of him. But he knows that they're uncomfortable, and that he doesn't like them.  


Later, he lays sprawled across his bed, thoughts turning circular. _No thanks._

He doesn't want to even entertain the idea, and, everything that's been growing between them recently leads his heart to believe that this isn't the case, but his stupid brain can't help but sputter out the thought all the same: Does Jihoon even want to be with him as soulmates, anyway?  


Because Seokmin does. He really, really wants to. Not because Jihoon is his soulmate, but because he's _Jihoon_ , and he's grown what he thinks are real, genuine feelings for him during their time together.  


But then he thinks again, _No thanks_ .

 

**

 

“At least _some_ of you have found yours.” Minghao sends a pointed look at a couple of them, mainly Seokmin and Soonyoung, as he says this. “I've only just learnt Korean, what am I supposed to do now, learn English too?”  


“Your Korean is really good now, though,” Seokmin points out, ever supportive of his friend, and Minghao shoots him a quiet look of thanks.  


He's been moping around a little, not meaning to sulk but it had been obvious, which was why Minghao had made Seokmin come out with him and a few others that night, in an effort to cheer him up. So he sits at the table with it's sticky top from long since spilt beers, amongst his friends, Soonyoung, Junhui, Mingyu, Seungkwan and Minghao.  


“Poor Junhui had to learn Korean, too,” Soonyoung says, sends a look across the table at his soulmate.  


“And how's your Chinese coming along?” Seungkwan teases.  


When Soonyoung demonstrates a moment later, both Junhui and Minghao burst into laughter, although Seokmin and the rest definitely don't get it.  


“Babe, you can't say that outloud, that's rude,” Junhui chides, still laughing.  


Soonyoung looks over at Junhui, a little pout on his face. “Well, you taught me that.”  


Seokmin finds himself feeling lighter as they laugh and joke together. Feels a little more at ease. Minghao was right in bringing him out, he thinks.  


“Oh my god,” Soonyoung says suddenly, overdramatically, as he leans over the table and looks at them all. “What if your soulmate goes to China to look for you?!”  


Minghao throws his hands up in the air. “Well, I'm never finding him then!”  


Seokmin's always admired Minghao's laid-back nature, especially when it comes to things like soulmates. Minghao's said to him before that if they find each other, then they find each other and if not, then that's okay too. Seokmin doesn't know how to have that kind of chill, about anything.  


Talk slowly evolves, works its way down different, winding paths; the latest movies they've seen, how much work they all have to do for college, things like that. They end up playing some drinking games together, too, and as soon as Soonyoung and Mingyu push for this idea, Seokmin knows that he's in for it; he's the worst when it comes to drinking. Two (not very strong drinks) and he's out, usually. He's up for it, though, always ready to add his voice, loudly and proudly, to whatever is going on.  


He's a couple shots in, feeling relaxed and loose, comfortable, when he feels his phone buzzing in his pocket. When he pulls it out and sees the notifications, he can't help the way that his heart does a silly little dance inside of him, at Jihoon's name there on the screen. Even with how some thoughts are still circling around his mind, he can't help it. Jihoon makes him happy and Seokmin, so very desperately, wants to be able to make Jihoon happy too. Romance and feelings are no good if only one person _has_ any of it.  


**_Jihoon:_ ** _Hey, are you free tomorrow evening?  
_**_Jihoon:_ ** _Do you want to come over?  
_**_Jihoon:_ ** _There's that movie we still need to watch._  
  


Seokmin's heart feels like it actually fucking soars at that. He can't help himself. It's a step forward, he thinks, Jihoon reaching out like this, making plans. It means something. Seokmin _wants_ it to mean something.  


**_Seokmin:_ ** _Yes!!!  
_**_Seokmin:_ ** _I'd love to, let's do that!!_  
  


The reply from Jihoon, barely seconds after Seokmin has hit send, is a rolling-eyes emoji, although he can imagine the look he thinks is probably actually on Jihoon's face just then: his suppressed smile, the one he tries to hide when he doesn't want to laugh at Seokmin.  


Seokmin, because he's a little bit drunk – on alcohol _(on love)_ – sends a ridiculous kissy-face emoji in return.  


“Seok, you're out!” There's a loud chorus from his friends following this, and his attention is suddenly pulled away from his phone and he stares, blinking in confusion, at his friends around the table.  


“What?” he asks, trying to figure out what he's missed. “What?”  


Minghao rolls his eyes, Mingyu laughs so hard he nearly topples the bottles on the table, and Seungkwan hits Seokmin in the shoulder.  


“You missed your turn, you have to drink!”  


“Oh.” He can't quite bring himself to mind, though, as he finishes off his bottle of soju to loud shouts from those around him. He's feeling lighter still than he has in days, and not just from what he's been drinking, he's sure.  


The next time he checks his phone, it's to see two more messages from Jihoon. One is just an _ugh_ , in response to Seokmin's emoji, but the last one, sent almost a full five minutes later, is a simple heart emoji.  


And it shouldn't, really, Seokmin thinks, because it's just a goddamn picture in a text message. But, to him, it means something.  


He thinks it means a lot.

 

**

 

When Seokmin arrives the following evening, it's to find that Jihoon has, apparently, put some actual effort into this. Well, it's a modicum of effort, honestly, but coming from Jihoon it's a lot, and Seokmin feels as his heart skips and dances, suddenly a little wild inside his chest. There's snacks adorning the coffee table, and more cushions piled onto the couch than there is space to actually sit on it. There's blankets, too, draped over the back of the couch, and Seokmin's kind of touched, because he remembers telling Jihoon how much he likes snuggling under blankets when watching things once.  


He feels so happy when he sees all of these little things that he can't help himself. Seokmin turns, his smile wide, and Jihoon seems to falter for a moment. Seokmin misses it though, because he's already stepping closer, pulling Jihoon into a warm, tight hug.  


“Ugh,” he hears Jihoon grump, somewhere near Seokmin's chest. “Get off me, you leech.”  


Seokmin only laughs, loud and bright, giddy with feelings.  


And, despite his words, a moment later Seokmin feels an arm wind its way around his waist, feels fingers curl up in the fabric of his shirt. For a moment he's almost certain that his heart is just going to march its way right out of his chest and dance across the living room floor, or something.  


When he pulls back a moment later and sees the smile (and the flush of colour) on Jihoon's face, he's certain that that's exactly what his heart is going to do.  


“Come on,” Jihoon says, and his fingers have curled, just loosely, around Seokmin's wrist as he drags him over towards the couch.  


Soonyoung's out for the night with Junhui, Seokmin thinks, so they have the apartment to themselves. Not that Seokmin minds when Soonyoung is there, he's one of Seokmin's best friends after all, but it's nice to be able to get comfortable and settle in with Jihoon knowing there will be no interruptions.  


He's surprised to see, after they both settle down on the old couch (it creaks a little as they shift about) that besides all the snacks on the table are two steaming mugs.  


Jihoon catches Seokmin's curious look. “It's hot chocolate,” Jihoon offers in explanation, gesturing at Seokmin's mug.  


“Oh!” Seokmin reaches out to pick it up, and as his eyes look over the mug, he starts laughing. There's a ridiculously bad pun on the mug, a word play to do with _idiot_ , and it leaves his heart feeling as full and warm as the steaming mug of hot chocolate in his hand. “Did you pick this out just for me?”  


Jihoon doesn't quite meet his eyes. “No, I didn't even read it before I bought it. I just picked it up.”  


Seokmin nods, not believing a word of it. “Oh, sure, sure.”  


He hears Jihoon huff, but knows there's no actual annoyance anywhere in sight. All he feels around him just then is a lightness, a definite sense of comfort and, he hopes, affection.  


“Here,” Jihoon says, shoving something new into Seokmin's hands after he's finished placing the mug back on the table for now. “I know you're always ready to snack.”  


Seokmin looks down at the new item he’s holding and a smile slowly unfolds across his face. It's a soft smile, sweeter than usual, but no less bright for that. “Oh! These are my favourite cookies!” He exclaims, surprised and happy all at once.  


Jihoon affects a nonchalance that, honestly, Seokmin thinks he can see right through, but he's happy to play a long and let Jihoon keep it for now.  


“Oh, are they?” Jihoon says with a shrug, glancing briefly across at Seokmin. “They were reduced.”  


“Ah. What a lucky coincidence then,” he says, and he bumps his shoulder affectionately against Jihoon's. Inside, however, Seokmin is screaming. Jihoon's been thinking about him. Thinking about _him_ . Planning and buying, with Seokmin in mind. It's the most, he thinks, that Jihoon has done for him so far. He feels like they've both taken a big step forward, tonight. And, a part of him wonders, if perhaps Jihoon is also trying to make up for what happened the other week, the little misunderstanding. Seokmin hadn't said anything, but his feelings are always written across his face, whether they're feelings of happiness, annoyance, or sadness. Maybe, he thinks, Jihoon noticed, and is trying to reach out, in his own awkward way and assure Seokmin of his feelings.  


Seokmin's not sure, never is entirely sure of anything when it comes to Jihoon, but he's happy to hope that he might be right.  


They settle into the movie and, slowly, little by little, into each other. Surrounded by their snacks, drinking their hot chocolate (well, Jihoon's is a coffee) together, a shared blanket spread across their laps, and it's kind of perfect. Or it would be, if halfway through the movie Seokmin wasn't almost sobbing his heart out.  


In one hand he clutches at a hideous green cushion, the other trying to clutch at Jihoon's arm. And Jihoon looks, for all the world, like an awkward, lost puppy or something. Concerned at the way Seokmin is just _crying_ , and not knowing what to do about it at all.  


“Umm...” he says, hesitantly.  


Seokmin's all kinds of embarrassed, honestly, and he tries to wipe his face with the hand that's not reaching for Jihoon. Tries to hide against his own shoulder, but this movie is the saddest damn thing he's ever watched and he definitely has no control over the tears. He can just make out the look of concern on Jihoon's face, through the distortion of his watery eyes.  


“You...you picked this movie, you know?” Jihoon says, still at a loss. “You hadn't seen it before?”  


Seokmin shakes his head, tries to laugh though it comes out as a wobble. “I just...I just thought it would be a sweet m-movie about romance an-and time travel!”  


“Well...” Jihoon looks over, “it was sweet and romantic for a bit...” It's an attempt to make Seokmin laugh, and it does, though it comes out as a ridiculous, shaking burble.  


Jihoon seems wary, as if he's still not sure what to do with a sobbing Seokmin, sitting stiffly next to him as if Seokmin is suddenly a strange and dangerous entity that he can't understand. Seokmin's sniffling, trying to stop, but the music swells from the television then, just the kind that's meant to make your heart clench and _feel_ something, and he's gone again, hiding his face behind the ugly green cushion.  


“S-sorry,” he offers.  


Jihoon still sounds concerned, as he says in return, “It's, uh...it's okay.”  


It's then that, quite suddenly, Seokmin feels a warmth enveloping his hand. He looks down and to his surprise he sees Jihoon has slipped his hand within Seokmin's own, fingers clutching a little awkwardly, but warm all the same. Seokmin's taken aback enough that the tears slow down, sniffing loudly. Jihoon is very resolutely Not Looking at him, but Seokmin feels a small pressure, pleasant and fleeting, and it lets him know that Jihoon's still there. Through his still watery eyes, Seokmin looks aside and sees Jihoon, his face as red as Seokmin's ever seen it before.  


They manage to finish the movie, fingers still twined together, and Seokmin can hardly believe it, in all honesty. This is the most touchy, the most affectionate, that Jihoon has ever been with him. And for a man who craves affection and attention half of the time from those around him, he feels like he's finally found an oasis in the desert of confused feelings he's been traipsing through.  


It feels like a turning point, he thinks; like Jihoon is reaching out, beginning to try and meet Seokmin somewhere in the middle, between the desert and the oasis.  


The movie ends up still being the saddest thing that Seokmin has ever watched, and even Jihoon is looking a little worse for wear when it's over – no tears in sight, though, unlike Seokmin – and they decide to order pizza and find some funny variety show to watch and cheer themselves up. And if the small amount of time they spent holding hands is all the touching that happens between them that evening, Seokmin is happy, and more than satisfied. His heart feels full.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be up on Monday!


	3. (Strike Three) And You're Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which relationships - even those between soulmates - aren't always easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is [Boy-X](https://open.spotify.com/track/4DqPN5eRtI33UoeUh87EyU) by NELL.
> 
> Thanks so much for all the wonderful comments and kudos I've received so far! They really mean so, so much to me, and as much fun as I had writing this it's an extra buzz knowing that some people are enjoying reading it, too! So I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint, and please enjoy!

Seokmin doesn't expect Jihoon to suddenly become more affectionate, not really. But he does think that it means they might be in a place where Seokmin can seek, give, and receive more affection, more touches, than before. He takes the other night as a signal from Jihoon that more might be okay. It was Jihoon who had reached out and taken hold of Seokmin's hand, after all, and that meant something, right?

Except, Jihoon still shies away, still pushes at Seokmin's shoulder and grumbles at him whenever Seokmin leans in and tries to playfully press a kiss to Jihoon's (always flaming, he notices) cheeks. Pulls his hand away and stutters something incomprehensible, when Seokmin has tried to hold his hand again.

He's even tried to go in for a proper kiss, a couple of times. And that's a big deal for Seokmin, because he's never actually kissed anyone before. He's loud (and possibly annoying) but there's a definite shyness to him when it comes to things like this, an uncertainty that swirls inside his stomach, heavy and weighted. So he thinks he's pretty damn brave, whenever he gets all caught up in the mood and thinks _maybe, this time, maybe_ to himself and tries to instigate it. All three times he's tried though, he's been denied. The first time, Jihoon just mumbled about needing something from the kitchen and up and left, Seokmin sitting there on the couch floundering in his feelings.

The second time, Jihoon had forced out a laugh, made some kind of joke, and playfully pushed Seokmin away from him.

The third time, Seokmin thought it was finally going to happen. Third time's a charm and all that, right? And the atmosphere had been almost perfect for it. Alone in Seokmin's apartment (miraculously empty of two roommates, for once) and watching something that _oozed sap_ , as Jihoon had said. But he’d let Seokmin put it on anyway, because Seokmin really wanted to watch it. They had been easy together, comfortable, possibly the most comfortable they had ever been together so far, Seokmin had thought. And Jihoon had actually been a little touchy, kind of clinging to Seokmin's side as they sprawled across his bed, movie playing in front of them.

Seokmin had turned to say something to Jihoon, but whatever silly observation he'd had to share about the events unfolding on screen had suddenly fled his mind, because he'd noticed then how close Jihoon's face was to his own, like this. The breath had stuttered to a stop inside of Seokmin's chest and he'd blinked, filled then with the overwhelming urge to just, finally, kiss Jihoon; his boyfriend, his _soulmate_ .

It hadn't escaped Seokmin's attention – they were too close for him to miss anything – that Jihoon's mind had probably been travelling a similar route, because his face had suddenly grown warmer, cheeks and the tips of his ears colouring. Seokmin had caught the way Jihoon's eyes had lowered, briefly, to consider Seokmin's lips, before he'd looked away, somewhere past the side of Seokmin's face.

He'd been about to lean in, desperately wanting to build a bridge across this gap that still seemed to divide them, keep them a little apart, and finally bring them both together. But before Seokmin had been able to make that brave venture Jihoon had tensed up, and coughed, suddenly, into Seokmin's face.

“Shit, sorry,” Jihoon mumbled, pulling back, covering his hand with his mouth.

Seokmin had blinked, entirely confused, a little lost, and a lot disappointed.

Jihoon had continued to cough a couple more times into his hand, avoiding looking anywhere near Seokmin. And, to Seokmin's ears, each one of those little coughs had sounded as fake as the first.

 

**

 

“I just...I just don't know if he actually _wants_ to be with me?” Seokmin moans. He throws himself down on the couch, making it – and Minghao, seated on the other end – bounce a little with the sudden weight. “Sometimes I really think he does? Cause he does all these cute little things, you know? Nice things. Like, when we went out the other day he told me I looked really good, and he doesn't often compliment me like that, you know?”

“Was that when he nearly had a choking fit and died?” Minghao questions, a slight smile tugging at his lips.

Seokmin laughs, a little weakly, and nods. “Yeah, that was it.”

“Dude's allergic to feelings, Seok. Didn't you know that?”

It's said lightly, but it feels a little bit true, in this moment.

Seokmin lets out a loud sigh, a touch overdramatic, and he misses the way Minghao is smiling to himself over it. “But I thought...well, I thought that being soulmates would make things easier? That it'd...it'd all fall into place, you know?” He waves his hands around in the air, as if his words aren't enough on their own to get Seokmin's points across.

There's no smile at all on Minghao's face now when he looks over at Seokmin. He's serious, though there's still a hint of softness about him; it's hard not to be soft around Seokmin, really, especially when he's mopey and confused.

“So, I don't know much about soulmates,” Minghao starts, “I haven't found mine, and my parents aren't a soulmate couple. But, Seok, from what I've learnt, soulmates is just a way to tell you whose soul will be compatible with yours? It doesn't like, it doesn't guarantee happiness or anything. You still have to work at it, figure out what each other wants and needs.”

Seokmin's face falls into a thoughtful pout as he considers Minghao's words.

The silence stretches for awhile, before Minghao seems to take pity on Seokmin and adds something else. “Look, Jihoon's clearly into you. He wouldn't be dating you if he wasn't. Just talk to him about it, if you're that confused about everything.”

Seokmin makes a face. “Talk to Jihoon? About feelings?” It's meant to be a joke, but it falls a little flat between them both.

Minghao shakes his head. “Don't forget, if Jihoon's your soulmate, that _you_ are _his_ soulmate, too. You should be able to talk about this stuff.”

The words strike something within Seokmin, and he feels the reverberation of those words shake through his mind, unsettling him a little. Minghao has a point, he thinks.

“I might,” he hedges, feels a little nervous at the idea.

Minghao stands up then, reaches down to clap a hand against Seokmin's shoulder. “Just do something and stop moping, yeah? It doesn't suit you,” he says, offers Seokmin a smile, before reaching down to try and tug the lump his friend has become up and off the couch. “Come on, we need to get some work done. Assessment's coming up soon, you said you'd practice with me.”

Seokmin lets himself be dragged up and, he figures, focusing on some college work for a little while probably isn't such a bad idea. He doesn't want to get behind, and he definitely can't afford to fail the upcoming drama assessment. He can think about soulmates and feelings (and love?) later.

 

**

 

“What's got you grinning like a fool?”

Mingyu's voice pulls Seokmin out of the little reverie he's been floating in. He looks up from his phone screen, sees Mingyu leaning on the back of the couch, peering over Seokmin's shoulder.

“Hey!” He says, though there's not a hint of actual annoyance in his voice as he tries to shield the screen from Mingyu's prying eyes.

“Oh, texting Jihoon?” Mingyu waggles his eyebrows a little, his toothy grin widening.

Seokmin reaches around, tries to bat at Mingyu, who easily steps away, still grinning.

“Must have been saying something sweet,” he surmises, as he comes around the couch, drops himself to sit down now like a normal person. Seokmin has to pull his legs up to accommodate Mingyu.

“Not really.” Seokmin shrugs, though he looks back at his phone again, typing out a response to Jihoon. “Just asking when I'm coming over next.” And though Seokmin has just said it wasn't anything sweet, he thinks that really, to him, it is. Jihoon misses him, he thinks, and that makes Seokmin feels all kinds of things, all at once. Shivery skin, a pounding heart, a fluttering stomach, the air shaking inside his lungs. It shows on his face, too, as all emotions show on Seokmin's face.

Mingyu's mocking smile is still in place and he laughs loudly, pulls Seokmin's attention back up to himself momentarily. “Then _you_ must be really sweet on him, if nothing much has you smiling like the biggest idiot in the world.”

Seokmin shoots Mingyu a look of resentment. “Hey, I'm not an idiot.” It's not the same, if it's not Jihoon calling him that.

“What's going on?” Minghao asks, stepping into the apartment, eyes roving curiously over the scene that lies before him: Mingyu laughing and teasing a blushing mess of a Seokmin.

“Seokmin is in _loooove_ ,” Mingyu says, drawing the word out in a long, sing-song voice. The very word shakes its way down Seokmin's spine, and he groans loudly.

“Gyu, please! I'm not!”

Both Mingyu and Minghao tease Seokmin about it for a little while, especially after Seokmin has to try and stifle a happy little noise when his phone goes off again five minutes later, another message from Jihoon. It's a simple ' _can't wait'_ in response to Seokmin's last message, but it kind of means the world to Seokmin.

“Totally in love,” Minghao agrees, laughing with Mingyu.

The idea sticks with Seokmin, though, doesn't leave his head. Circles and revolves and keeps reminding himself that it's there; _hey, don't forget me, you're in love, remember!_ It seems to say to him.

Is it love, he wonders? He's never been in love before. He knows all about familial love (he's so, so close with his parents and his sister) and he knows very well that he loves all of his friends. But Jihoon? Now?

It's a little confusing, because he would have just assumed he was in love before, when they found out they were soulmates. He'd thought that love would come instantly with the revelation, and be part of it. And whilst Seokmin still finds it all a little baffling honestly, when he looks back on their beginning, all those months ago now, he thinks that it probably wasn't love then, not yet. Is it now, though? Has it been, for some time?

He has nothing to measure these feelings against. All he knows is that Jihoon makes him happy, and that he wants Jihoon to keep making him happy. And he hopes (desperately) that he, too, makes Jihoon happy.

Is that love?

It's something that doesn't leave his mind, the next few days. Lurks quietly at the back, colouring everything that Seokmin does. It comes back to him, full force, the next time he sees Jihoon. Seokmin's managed to talk Jihoon into both leaving his apartment and to doing something a little more active with him that afternoon.

“It's fucking freezing out,” Jihoon grumbles, all bundled up in a coat and a hoodie, looking tiny and cold and all kinds of adorable, that Seokmin just wants to coo and kiss his apple-round cheeks. He manages to refrain from doing so, though – he doesn't have a deathwish today.

“You'll warm up soon! We'll be running around and stuff, so it'll be fine,” he assures, smiling easily at Jihoon. Jihoon misses a step, stumbles briefly, before grumbling to himself again.

“Didn't say anything about _running_ . What do you think I am, an active person?”

“No,” Seokmin says brightly. “You're a terrible hermit who needs to get out a little, and that's what we're doing. Plus, I've been feeling restless, cooped up indoors all week. It'll be fun,” he assures, throwing another smile Jihoon's way. “Promise.”

“You'll be in trouble if it isn't,” Jihoon warns. Though Seokmin doesn't miss the small smile that plays on his lips.

“And if you don't enjoy yourself, you can punish me appropriately.” As soon as the words leave Seokmin's mouth he realises how they might sound, and he finds himself flushing a deep shade of red – he can't flirt at all, it seems, except maybe when he isn't trying.

Jihoon sputters a little, and when Seokmin dares a little sideways glance, he can see that Jihoon's face has coloured, too. “Sure,” Jihoon mumbles in response.

There's a sharp bite to the winter air around them, so when they get to the park Seokmin's been guiding them towards, it's no surprise to see that not a lot of people are out and about this morning. The large, open field is pretty clear of anyone else, which leaves plenty of space for them to play. Seokmin has catching mitts for the both of them, a couple of balls, and even a bat if they so feel like using that, as well. But really he just wants to play catch, something fun and easy, where he can stretch his legs and expend some excess energy.

That, and he thinks Jihoon can use a little more moving around, too.

It takes several attempts to warm up and get into it, and Seokmin spends a good deal of those acting silly, pulling ridiculous poses or performing a nonsense run, to catch the ball whenever Jihoon throws it at him. Even as they're spread apart now, Seokmin doesn't miss the bright laughter that comes from Jihoon, everytime Seokmin does something stupid. Definitely doesn't miss what he thinks might be the widest, happiest smile he's ever seen on Jihoon's face so far.

“You're an idiot!” Jihoon calls out to him, as Seokmin falls to the grass, rolls around like a beetle stuck on it's back, before shouting something inane and leaping up, the ball clutched triumphantly in his glove.

“That's not how you catch a ball!”

When Seokmin looks over, still smiling widely, amused at his own silly antics, it's to see Jihoon doubled over in laughter still, clutching at his stomach.

And Seokmin feels his heart clench, tight, inside of his chest. Constrict and squeeze, makes the feelings within him well up and overflow. It seems as if, suddenly, they're pouring out of him, in a flood of emotions and realisations. He feels his head spin a little, giddy and amazed. He wants to make Jihoon laugh and smile like that all the time. He wants to help keep Jihoon happy. He just wants Jihoon, all of him, forever.

He's struck dumb (unusual for Seokmin) because he senses in that moment that yes, this right here, that smile on Jihoon's face and the way it makes Seokmin just feel head-over-toes dizzy, is _love_ .

“Come on, throw it back!” Jihoon calling over to him wakes Seokmin from his stunned reverie, and he looks up, sees amusement still lingering on Jihoon's face, an easy smile there now. “I'm starting to get cold now.”

Seokmin tries to snap out of it, but he can't really because he's _in love_ goddamnit, he's actually in love.

“One curveball coming your way!” Seokmin jokes, smile wide and bright, as he pulls an arm back, ready to throw.

“You dare!” Jihoon says.

Seokmin swings his arm forward, releases the ball – and his heart – towards one still chuckling Lee Jihoon.

And Jihoon, he thinks, catches them both.

 

**

 

He's a giddy mess now that he's realised just what it is he's feeling – and has been feeling, he thinks, for some time now – for Jihoon. It goes to his head a little, makes Seokmin feel like he's floating, his mind full of bubbles of love and Jihoon's laughter. It shows, too, as does everything that Seokmin ever feels.

Seungkwan ends up commenting on it, when they share their weekly coffee morning together. “You're chipper lately.” He keeps his hands curled around the hot mug in front of him. The cafe is wonderfully warm and cosy, making up for the chill that lingers outside.

“Am I?” Seokmin asks, the only one oblivious to how easily he expresses his emotions.

“Mhmm,” Seungkwan nods, eyes Seokmin over curiously. “What happened? Did you finally get laid?”

The words take Seokmin by surprise, and it's a good thing he's not drinking his sweet latte yet, because he would have choked on it. “Seungkwan!” He admonishes, tries to ignore how hot his ears feel all of a sudden. “No, god, no!” He insists, a little too loudly, much to Seungkwan's amusement. “We haven't...we haven't even kissed yet!” And because of that, Seokmin really hasn't allowed his mind to try and travel further. He thinks he might combust, if he does. He shakes his head. “I'm just, just in a good mood,” he offers.

Seungkwan's laughing at him, but it's warm, nothing unkind in it. “I know, I know. It's good though, nice to see you this happy.”

Seokmin beams at him then, and the air around them seems to warm at that. “Thanks.”

He is in a good mood, though, and it's an almost permanent thing these days. Despite all the working and practising he's been doing, at home and at college, for his upcoming assessment, which usually stresses Seokmin out, he feels good. Feels happy and giddy and full of a rush of constant feelings and warmth.

He's not ready to say anything to Jihoon yet, he definitely needs to make sure Jihoon feels even remotely similar to how he does. But Seokmin can't help expressing these feelings of newly realized love all the same. All completely without guile. He's not aware how all these emotions are just pouring out of him in a flood of affection and joy. All aimed at Jihoon, of course. Even if he's not ready to say it yet, a part of Seokmin wants to try and ensure that Jihoon can at least _feel_ all of this love that's sitting inside of him, ready to be bestowed and gifted upon him.

It makes Seokmin a little clingier than usual, lately, and he's become a little braver with that kind of thing now, too. Only when they're alone together, because he knows public displays are really not Jihoon's thing. But he lets himself cling to a forearm, winds himself around a waist, let's himself hang off of Jihoon and cuddle – when he can get away with it, anyway.

There's no way that Jihoon can miss this sudden outpouring of feelings thrown in his direction now, and sometimes he looks a little overwhelmed by it all. Seokmin's too far gone to notice, though, and Jihoon's good at pulling his poker face back on when he needs to.

“Jihoonie,” Seokmin says, almost in a sing-song, as his arm finds it's way around Jihoon's slim waist and settles there. He feels Jihoon start a little, at the sudden touch; he stays, though.

“Hmm?” Jihoon spares Seokmin a brief glance. They're not doing anything special this evening, just hanging out, having taken up residence on Jihoon's couch. They're both tired from long days at college, neither with the energy to really focus on a movie or anything, so there's something easy on the television as background noise. Otherwise though, it's just the two of them sprawled comfortably on the couch together.

Seokmin tilts his head up at Jihoon, tries to look cute as he asks sweetly, “When will you sing for me?”

It's on his mind a lot, these days. He can only vaguely remember the sound of Jihoon's voice, sweet and melodious, from all his soulmate dreams in the past, and Seokmin yearns to hear that voice brought to life still.

“Not tonight,” Jihoon says simply.

“ _Jihoonie_ ,” Seokmin says again, tries for cuter. He aims a pout in Jihoon's direction too, for good measure. “It's not fair. You've heard me, loads of times by now. Just a little bit? Please? It would make your soulmate very, very happy!”

He hears Jihoon expel the air from his mouth in a soft huff. “Don't use that shit on me.”

Seokmin blinks, taken aback by Jihoon's words. “What?”

“Don't pull out the soulmate stuff to try and be cute. It doesn't work on me.”

Seokmin falls quiet, and the mood around them seems to dip, drop with a heavy weight between them. It's been awhile, honestly, since this kind of awkwardness and tension has risen between them, and Seokmin can feel it, sticky in the air around them.

“I was...” he pauses, licks his lips briefly, before trying again. “I was just teasing,” he says slowly, not sure how to traverse this atmosphere now between them. “Just being silly.”

There's a long, weighted pause between them. Jihoon eventually breaks it with a simple, “Sure.” He shifts then, pulls himself out of Seokmin's grip, and settles a little further away on the couch.

It feels like there’s more than just a couch seat between them for the rest of the evening.

 

**

 

Seokmin worried that that moment would create and keep a tension between them, afterwards. He's worked – _they_ have worked – so hard, he thinks, on trying to grow closer and more comfortable with each other. He doesn't want to ruin that, especially with his own idiot mouth running off unintentionally.

It's fine though, the next time Jihoon texts him and they see each other. Perhaps it's a little stiff and stilted at first, but when is Jihoon _not_ a little stiff around Seokmin at first? Though it doesn't seem like much of a step back, and so Seokmin's relieved. Even more so when Jihoon gives him a hug – brief but warm – before Seokmin leaves his apartment later that night. It's enough to get Seokmin's heart soaring again, skimming the bellies of the clouds hidden in the nighttime sky outside, and he throws his arms around Jihoon ( _“too tight!”_ ) and squeezes back, finds himself brave enough – or stupid enough – to press a kiss to Jihoon's cheek.

He feels Jihoon's skin heat beneath the press of his lips, as brief as it is, and he's grinning widely, even as Jihoon pushes him away, not meeting Seokmin's eyes.

“I, uh...thanks.”

“You're welcome,” Seokmin says with such sincerity, even if being thanked for that is the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard.

So, he thinks everything is fine again. And he's still in love. He's so, so in love, he can't help himself.

 

**

 

He's managed to get Jihoon to come out this night with him and some of their other friends. It's supposed to be a mixture of blowing off steam, and celebrating projects/assessments/assignments being completed. And, a start to the break that's coming up. They all need it, Seokmin thinks, eyes roving over his friends faces. He's glad he managed to convince Jihoon to join them, as well. Seokmin knows there's been a lot of late nights and free time spent working for his musical composition class. They actually hadn't managed to see each other much, with Seokmin working on his assessment and Jihoon on his compositions, so tonight is kind of a mini reunion for them as well.

Which he's why he's happier than usual – which is a lot of happy, for one Lee Seokmin, the man who keeps the sun in his smile (as his mother used to tell him when he was little).

It's the usual crowd of them tonight, and besides Seokmin and Jihoon, Minghao, Mingyu, Seungkwan and Hansol are there as well. Soonyoung and Junhui are running late so they start without them, a bottle of wine passed around the table to begin (and Seokmin finds himself laughing a little as Mingyu tries to explain to them all what kind of wine it is they're drinking - “ _Shut up and just let us drink it!”_ says Seungkwan).

Once Soonyoung and Junhui arrive, however, the soju comes out and the drinking games begin.

Seokmin's in the midst of laughing loudly as Mingyu fails on his turn when he feels a light tug on his shirt sleeve. He turns to see Jihoon looking up at him, and to anyone who doesn't know him quite like Seokmin does by now, Jihoon would probably look bored.

“Why am I here again?” He questions, though his tone is all teasing and joking. There's a smile hiding in his face.

Seokmin laughs loudly. He's a terrible lightweight when it comes to drinking, with any alcohol, but the wine especially has gone straight to his head already. He feels that strange kind of detachment that comes with drinking, his head light and airy as it spins a little, and it feels like it's not quite connected properly to the rest of his body. He'd contemplate it a bit more if he wasn't quite so tipsy already.

“Because I asked you,” he declares with a grin at Jihoon, “and you love me!”

It's said easily, jokingly, a little drunkenly, and Seokmin throws an arm around Jihoon's shoulder affectionately. But Jihoon's face goes white, whiter than it already is, before colour floods it again.

“As if,” he says, pushing Seokmin's arm off of him.

Seokmin laughs again, and leans in to pat at Jihoon's cheek instead. His cheeks are so, so cute, Seokmin thinks to himself, and he wishes he could just pinch them and kiss them. Jihoon's cute round cheeks deserved all the kisses.

Jihoon bats Seokmin's hand away, and Seokmin's attention is pulled away and back to the game again; his turn is coming up after Junhui's.

Of course he fails, and has to take a drink of the soju in front of him. It's terrible, because the more he ends up drinking, the worse he gets at these games, and that feeds into an infinite loop of drunken failure. Which everyone else seems to find hilarious.

By the time the night is over a lot of steam has definitely been blown off, and everyone parts still laughing (and still walking, luckily).

Seokmin decides to walk part of the way back with Jihoon, because he hasn't seen his boyfriend nearly enough these past few weeks. And they're alone, because Soonyoung and Junhui have gone off together in search of food, before calling it a night.

It's cold, and Seokmin's bundled up in a scarf, sweater and Jihoon's baseball jacket – it's not really a winter coat, but it brings Seokmin an additional warmth that he likes. Jihoon looks smaller than usual, with all the warm and cosy layers he's wearing too. The one thing they both forgot, however, was gloves.

It's dark, and the further from the social areas that they walk, the less people there are walking past them. And Seokmin is full of love, affection, and alcohol. Giddy and lightheaded on all those things at once. He doesn't even think, really, as he reaches a hand out, tries to take hold of one of Jihoon's. His head is swimming in thoughts of love and romance and his hands are cold and logically, holding hands will keep both of theirs warmer.

Before Seokmin can thread their fingers together, Jihoon tugs his hand away.

Seokmin laughs, thinks it's a game that Jihoon's playing. Sometimes, he knows, he can make Jihoon soften a little for him. So he reaches out again. Jihoon pulls away, again.

“Stop it,” he huffs.

“Come on,” Seokmin chides, playful, and reaches out once more to take hold of Jihoon's hand. “It's just us! No one will see.”

Jihoon pulls his hand from Seokmin's grip, hard this time, and stuffs both his hands deep into his coat pockets. “I said to stop it.” His voice comes out sharp, sharper than Seokmin has ever heard before, and it's enough to pierce through the soju-filled haze in his head.

He blinks, and the smile drops from his face. It's cold and dark already, but somehow it feels even more so, suddenly.

“Okay,” he says quietly, stuffing his own hands into his pockets now.

The walk is tense with the silence that falls between them, heavy like the night air. They're nearing the point where Seokmin would usually split off from Jihoon, and make his own way home.

“You don't have to sulk, you know,” Jihoon grumbles eventually.

Seokmin's eyes widen in surprise. He feels his stomach flip, uncomfortably. “I...I'm not _sulking_ .”

There's a small street of shops in front of them, their cut off point. The convenience store is the only one with the lights on, still open. The rest of them – the little hairdressers, the flower shop, and the small bakery beside it – are all dark. The street is devoid of any people, too cold and too late for most to be out.

“Look,” Jihoon says, and his tone is enough to pull both of them to a sharp stop.

Seokmin can feel his heart already beginning to sink. He looks over Jihoon's tiny figure, hands stuffed deep inside his pockets, cheeks pink with the cold air, face screwed up into an unhappy frown. Whatever happened to Seokmin wanting to make him laugh and smile more, he wonders.

Jihoon looks up then, actually meets Seokmin's gaze for once, and Seokmin can feel it before it happens, he's sure.

“Just because we're soulmates doesn't mean that we have to be together.”

It pierces through each and every layer of alcohol that was fuzzing up Seokmin's brain that night. Pierces his heart, and seems to bring his carefully constructed world crashing down around him.

“Jihoonie...w-what?” He struggles for words.

Jihoon shakes his head, takes a step back. “You heard me. It's not like it's a guarantee at happiness, or something. So,” and now Jihoon's eyes slide away from Seokmin, look somewhere beyond him. He hunches himself up, smaller than ever in his giant coat. “Let's stop this, yeah? Okay? Cool.”

Seokmin doesn't even get a chance to say anything, mouth still hanging open with surprise, words not connecting between his short-circuiting brain and his stupid, stupid mouth, before Jihoon turns around and walks away, figure soon lost in the dark and around a corner.

It takes a good five minutes of standing there, slowly freezing, before Seokmin can get his body to start moving again. He pushes himself in the direction of his own apartment. Walks mindlessly down the street, entirely sober now, his poor, confused mind trying to make sense of it. And desperately wishing that he could go back in time, and fix whatever he must have done wrong.

This was never an outcome, in any of his daydreams and fantasies.

Just as he learns what love actually feels like, he also ends up learning what it is to have a broken heart.

 

**

 

Seokmin is miserable.

He doesn't see or hear anything from Jihoon during the break from college. Seokmin avoids going over to Soonyoung's – understandably – and, the few times he does allow one of his friends to take him out from the apartment and hang out with people, Jihoon is never amongst his other friends. Also understandably.

But it still makes him miserable.

It's painfully obvious that Jihoon really doesn't want to see him or hear from him anymore. And Seokmin's still so terribly confused about it all. Was he just seeing things, feeling things, that weren't actually true? Because all the time they'd spent getting to know each other, growing closer and dating, Seokmin had been sure – at the time – that it was going somewhere, that _they_ were getting somewhere. Despite all the early stiffness at the beginning, the awkward high-fives, moments of miscommunication, Seokmin had really felt like things were happening.

He knows he definitely didn't imagine, or make up, some things. Jihoon's awkward compliments, or his begrudging hugs. He still remembers evenings spent with Jihoon curled up beside him on the couch, clingy and comfortable, hugging one of Seokmin's arms to himself. He can still feel Jihoon's fingers playing absently with his hair, palm pressed warmly to the back of Seokmin's neck. Remembers how Jihoon would blush sometimes, when the mood was just right and they would almost...might almost...

Seokmin tries to stop thinking about it all, he really does. It doesn't matter anyway, he tells himself, because Jihoon had made his feelings pretty clear. He doesn't want Seokmin. Soulmates are too cringe worthy and ridiculous for Jihoon.

And it hurts, because Seokmin hadn't seen it coming. He'd been too busy – too blinded – by the brightness of his growing feelings. He was a terrible boyfriend, he thinks, that he couldn't see how he must have been making Jihoon unhappy. A terrible soulmate.

The first time he sees Jihoon after it happened is accidentally, when they're all back at college again. Seokmin's done a good job all that first day of avoiding areas where they might normally run into each other, but he's with Hansol when it happens. During the gap he has between classes, the one he used to share with Jihoon.

He and Hansol are walking into the library, each with the intent to spend their time studying, when Seokmin looks around and notices a familiar head of dark hair at a nearby table. Jihoon's sitting on his own, head down over his notebook, reading something.

Seokmin feels his heart – his traitorous, traitorous heart – leap in a sudden feeling of joy at seeing Jihoon again. Like a parched man who has finally found water again, only to realise that it's undrinkable. Because his heart plummets then, and he reaches out, tugs at Hansol's sleeve to get his attention.

“Hansollie,” he says, quietly, “Let's leave, okay?”

Hansol's in the process of turning around, asking Seokmin what's wrong, when Jihoon chooses that moment to lift his head and observe his surroundings. As if some other sense was guiding him.

Seokmin swallows thickly as their eyes meet. He watches as Jihoon's widen, in surprise and recognition, before he pulls his unreadable mask back on again. It's Seokmin who looks away first, feeling torn inside.

Luckily, he doesn't have to try and explain anything to Hansol, who's seen where Seokmin's attention had just been grabbed. When he looks back at Seokmin, it's with wide eyes, and he's whistling lowly under his breath. But, god bless him, Hansol's already turned around and is leading Seokmin quietly out of the library.

Jihoon's gaze follows their motions, though Seokmin isn't brave enough – or stupid enough – to look back and find this out for himself.

After that, Seokmin begins to think that he might be cursed, because he keeps spotting Jihoon, practically running into him, almost every day after that. It's hard not to, really, because they were friends before everything and they share the same friends group. They manage to avoid sitting at lunch together; Seokmin tends to find himself with Minghao or Mingyu or Seungkwan, and let's Jihoon have Soonyoung and Junhui to himself.

But he'll still spot Jihoon in a corridor; coming through a door; sitting at a table in the library, and every single time it happens, his heart cracks and drops a little more.

They haven't said a word to each other.

“Maybe you should just talk to him, you know?” Hansol suggests one lunch break. Seungkwan, sitting beside him, throws Hansol a look that very clearly says _'you’re crazy.'_

The look on Seungkwan's face alone is enough to almost pull a smile from Seokmin. Instead, he just shakes his head in response. “He's made it clear that he doesn't want to talk to me.”

He just misses the look that Seungkwan's shooting Hansol's way, before he leans in towards Seokmin, offers him a brief hug around the waist. “Give it a while, and maybe you can be friends again?”

Seokmin shrugs a shoulder, and can only offer a vague maybe. Friends? With the way Jihoon can barely even look at him when they do see each other, he's not so sure.

 

**

 

By the end of the week Seokmin is a frazzled, emotional mess. Every day, every single day, he's seen Jihoon at least once. And he should get used to it, but it's weird and awkward and they don't even come close enough to say anything to each other. Seokmin's trying to give Jihoon the space he so clearly needed and wasn't getting from him before.

So Minghao and Mingyu take it upon themselves one Friday night to put aside college work for an evening, and make Seokmin go to the movies with them. It might also be because they're both tired of seeing Seokmin moping unhappily through the apartment, Seokmin thinks, but he can appreciate the gesture all the same. So they go out and see the latest action-comedy film to hit the cinema, something that will make them laugh, was Mingyu's reasoning.

And it does. It's ridiculous and over the top, but by the end of the film the three of them are almost howling with laughter, along with the rest of the cinema; Mingyu almost choking on some popcorn because of laughing so much. It's the first time in what feels like an age that Seokmin had laughed like that, and he's grateful for having friends like them.

They talk and laugh and quote the movie back to each other as they ride the subway back home that evening, and Seokmin's feeling lighter and looser, happier. His mind momentarily empty of the thoughts that usually weigh him down.

So when he climbs into bed later that night, it's the most comfortable and relaxed he's actually felt since that fateful night with Jihoon, since hearing those words. He actually manages to fall asleep at a decent time for once, too. He can only hope this might carry through to the week, when he actually needs to be able to sleep properly for classes.

As he slips into a deep sleep, Seokmin is pulled into a once familiar dream, a dream he hasn't had – hasn't _had_ to dream – for a very long time. The voice is achingly familiar as it floats, melodious and ethereal, through his dreaming mind, singing to him about love and beauty, pain and heartache.

He wakes up in the middle of the night, eyes wide and heart pounding, fingers clutching tightly at his bedsheet. Jihoon's sweet singing haunts him, even now in his waking mind.

Seokmin hasn't had a soulmate dream since that day when they realised, when Jihoon walked into his own apartment, all those months ago, and heard Seokmin singing. Echoes of his words back then mix in with the dream-singing that still lilts it's way sweetly through Seokmin's thoughts. He always used to think it was funny, how Jihoon's first words on discovering his soulmate were: _'Oh, fuck.'_

Now, he can't find anything funny in it at all.

Seokmin stays awake the rest of the night, afraid to sleep, afraid to have the dream again.

He's a slow-moving, zombie-like mess come the morning, when the sun finally rises and so does he. He shuffles his way slowly into the kitchen, fixing himself a coffee because he needs something to try and help him feel human, even when he knows that nothing's really going to help him today.

Minghao – usually an early riser anyway – comes into the kitchen while Seokmin's sloppily stirring his coffee with a spoon. He looks over at him, offers a sympathetic smile when he sees how clearly exhausted Seokmin is.

“Couldn't sleep?” he asks, as he goes about fixing himself a cup of tea. Seokmin can smell the sweet scent of cinnamon trail through the kitchen.

“Mhmm,” he mumbles, having to remind himself that it's too hot still to drink his coffee, even if he does need it to keep himself standing upright just then.

As Minghao passes him, he presses a comforting hand to Seokmin's shoulder. “You should have woken me up. I'd have kept you company.”

Seokmin will appreciate the gesture properly later – and really, he will – but he smiles weakly and shakes his head. “S'okay. Just... I had a soulmate dream again.”

Minghao pauses, the spoon tinkling loudly against the rim of his mug as he does so. He looks over at Seokmin, eyes wide.

“Really?”

Seokmin nods. He blows uselessly over his coffee. Watches as the steam leaves little patterns in the air, before dispersing.

“I've not heard of that happening before,” Minghao says, sounding like he's picking his words carefully. “Aren't they supposed to stop after you've found your soulmate?”

“That's what I thought.”

Seokmin doesn't want to say it, barely even wants to think it into existence, but he hopes it's not a permanent return. He doesn't think that he can handle spending the rest of his life hearing Jihoon singing to him in his dreams, and not be able to be _with_ him. That would just be cruel, he thinks, a horrible torture placed on him by the universe.

Later on, Seokmin finds himself curled back up in bed, still not sleeping, another mug of coffee perched steaming on his bedside table. He's searching up results on his phone, trying to figure out what's happening inside his head, to find out how long this might go on for.

_Rejected by my soulmate and suddenly having soulmate dreams again._

He finds more questions of a similar nature than he would have expected, after he types it into the search bar. There's a lot of debate. There are some joking answers to some people's posts, and a lot of answers agreeing that they don't really understand either. There are what look like essays, of people theorising what they think it means. It basically boils down to: no one knows for sure, but enough people have experienced a similar occurrence that it definitely just isn't Seokmin.

There's one suggestion that sticks with him, it's short and simple, not an essay that his bleary-eyes can't even focus on, but it's not a joke or a flippant answer, either.

_'My personal theory for this is that it only happens when the soulmates still actually want to be together, but for whatever reason aren't or can't be. Maybe they're young and one of them has to move away? Or they go to different schools, get jobs in different cities or whatever. Maybe one of them gets sick or dies. Idk, but from what I've read of people's accounts it seems like it's when they don't want to let go of each other. There are enough people out there who never find a soulmate, or find theirs and move on, that don't have any more dreams. I like to think it's your heart trying to remind you what you really want.'_

Huh.

The idea sticks in Seokmin's mind. It could make sense, because he certainly finds himself still in love with Jihoon. Still misses that presence in his life. Misses everything about him, in all honesty. His air of faux grumpiness, how soft he can actually be sometimes. How bright his laughter is when he's really amused by something. Seokmin can't forget the way that Jihoon's entire face, his eyes and his mouth especially, can just soften sometimes when he looks at Seokmin, thinks that Seokmin isn't looking.

His heart, he thinks, is definitely still singing out for Jihoon's, wishing to be reunited with its fated partner.

He wonders if it can just be a one-sided thing, if Jihoon's experiencing dreams as well. Or if he's moved on enough, in his heart, that his own soul isn't crying out for Seokmin anymore.

It hurts to consider.

When he eventually falls asleep – as hard as he tried not to – it's to find himself once again falling into the lilting magic of Jihoon's voice again. Haunting and sweet. And when he wakes up again, it's to find himself wishing he could fill the Jihoon-sized space within his heart. It's so, so much bigger than he ever would have expected. Jihoon might have been pleased, once, to know how much space he'd taken up inside Seokmin's heart, forever a little salty about the lack of space he takes up in reality.

 

**

 

He loses track of how many days it is. How many dreams he has. Finds himself focusing solely on classes and studying and getting things done. There's a big production happening next year, auditions being held when everyone comes back after the summer break, and because Seokmin wants to land himself a big important role, he works hard. To prepare, and to impress his teachers. And it gives him something else to think about.

Until there comes a time when they suddenly can't ignore each other anymore. It's when Seokmin is leaving the library just as Jihoon is walking through the doors, and they almost collide into each other. It's the closest they've actually been in weeks.

It might have been funny, if Seokmin hadn't suddenly felt a cold vice clenching tightly around his heart.

“Hey, just 'cause I'm short doesn't mean--” Jihoon stops whatever grumpy reprimand he's dishing out, words stumbling and dying on the tip of his tongue, when their eyes meet. He looks surprised and something else that Seokmin can't quite identify, but it's the most emotion he thinks he's seen on Jihoon's face since before everything went wrong.

“Oh.”

“Um...” Seokmin fumbles for words, feeling awkward, emotions all twisted up into tight knots. “Sorry,” he offers.

“S'okay,” Jihoon mumbles. He's still staring up into Seokmin's face, and it makes Seokmin a little uncomfortable. He's not sure if Jihoon's ever looked at him for so long. If it had happened before everything his heart would be leaping just about now. But it's sinking so deeply he fears ever being able to find it.

“Uh,” Jihoon starts again, looking awkward. That, at least, is a familiar look to Seokmin. “Uh...hi?”

“Hey.”

  
Seokmin finds himself wondering what else he's supposed to say. Should he talk more? Should he just excuse himself and leave? He's never had to do this before.

“You, uh...your hair. It, um. It looks nice.”

Finally, Jihoon pulls his eyes from Seokmin's face, looks somewhere past his shoulder instead.

He's not at all sure what Jihoon's even trying to say, and his confusion probably shows on his face, but Seokmin tries to force a smile anyway. “Thanks. You, uh, you too?” He's already kicking himself internally before the words even finish leaving his mouth, because he has no idea what he's saying, or what he _should_ say. “I gotta...” he gestures vaguely, it doesn't really finish his sentence at all, but Jihoon is already nodding in understanding.

The awkwardness all but drips between them, thick and sticky like honey. Seokmin feels it pressing up against him.

“Sure. Me too.”

“Uh...see you,” Seokmin offers.

Jihoon nods in agreement. He clearly looks embarrassed. “Yeah, sure.”

They both stand there for a moment, stiff and unfamiliar with each other. As if they hadn't spent the last few months dating and, at least as far as Seokmin's concerned, being in love. Finally, they pull themselves out of the sticky tension, and manage to walk past each other.

When he sits down to lunch a little while later he says, sounding defeated, “Why on Earth did the universe decide that the best person to be my soulmate was _Lee Jihoon_ ?”

Seungkwan, seated beside him, wisely decides to say nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to tell you all that everything will be okay but...you'll have to wait until Wednesday to find out! Sorry!


	4. Smile When The Night Is Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which some things end, some things begin, and two people learn the importance of being open with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, the last chapter. Thanks to everyone who's stuck around and I hope it doesn't disappoint!
> 
> The song for this chapter is [Simple](https://open.spotify.com/track/0mv9yj1mjcEJes46dHDib5). Fitting, I think? Please enjoy!

It's late one Friday night, and Seokmin's in the apartment by himself. Mingyu and Minghao had tried to get him to go out with them and a couple of other people, but he'd insisted that they go ahead. He appreciated the sentiment, but he didn't have the energy to try and be the mood-maker that he usually was.

So he's home alone, music playing softly from his phone, trying to will himself into getting over it and moving on. He doesn't want to feel like this forever. But his soul, his entire being, still yearns and aches for the one person he can't seem to be with anymore.

He's busy wallowing in sad ballads and sadder feelings when the _bzzing_ of his phone surprises him out of his meandering thoughts. He looks at it, a little half-assed, not really planning on looking at the message. But when his eyes fall on who it's from he sits up so fast his head spins a little (unless it's spinning from suddenly seeing that name on his phone screen again). It's Jihoon.

Seokmin doesn't even think before he opens it, and a moment later he wishes that maybe he were a little less impulsive – he doesn't want to look eager, doesn't want Jihoon to think that he's _waiting_ to hear from him or something. But he's never been one to play games and here he is, looking at the unexpected message.

It's short, just two words: _I'm sorry._ It's followed by an audio file, and Seokmin's more than curious enough by now to download it immediately, no idea what Jihoon might be sending him.

He tries not to let his eyes wander up towards the last message, dated the last day they'd seen each other, still been together, with Seokmin having said ‘ _Can't wait to see you’_ followed by a bunch of different heart emojis. Jihoon had sent the being sick face in return, before sending a simple, but sweet ‘ _me too’_. He still remembers the way his heart had soared at seeing even that short statement from Jihoon.

But now, he focuses his eyes on the apology, watches impatiently as the audio file takes its time to download. It looks a little large, seems to be at least two minutes long, and Seokmin's so, so curious.

When he finally opens it and it starts playing, it takes several beats for what it is he's hearing to finally sink in. There's music; it's barebones and raw, just a beautiful little piano melody that's already seeping its way into Seokmin's heart. But it's the voice that starts singing a moment later that really gets to him. He knows it so, so well. Intimately. It's the voice that has been singing to Seokmin in his dreams, for years. That haunts him and thrills him, even now, everytime he hears it. Makes his heart squeeze so tightly that he can't breathe from all the feelings that flood through him.

And he's finally hearing it outside of his dreams.

He’s already aware that Jihoon is his soulmate, already shared that moment of just _knowing_ , when they'd discovered it and everything inside of them had just settled into place and felt right. When his heart and his soul had finally united to tell him that _this is yours, please take care of him._

Jihoon's voice is even more beautiful in his waking world. He feels the words crooning their way down the back of his neck and settle themselves inside his chest, sweet and full of emotion in a way that Jihoon's never been able to express when simply talking to him. Suddenly, Seokmin can feel everything. And it's not awkward at all. It's beautiful and it's real; a little scared, he thinks, hearing the shake of emotion as Jihoon pulls out a long, breathlessly beautiful note. The piano melody follows along in perfect harmony, making Seokmin feel everything that Jihoon's singing about for himself.

He can't even be upset that he's only hearing Jihoon for the first time as an audio recording through his phone. It means something, he thinks, that Jihoon even did this in the first place.

Maybe it means everything.

He's so stunned the first time he listens that the two minutes it takes seems to fly by without even barely a thought. But Seokmin's turning the volume up on his phone, putting the song on repeat again, and this time he's trying to pay more attention to the words. They're pure poetry, he thinks, finds himself swaying along to the tune, eyes closing as he lets himself drown in these feelings, his heart gasping for air.

_Your voice calls out to me in my dreams_  
_Because I want you_  
_Won't let myself have you_

_You're all I hear_  
_All that I see_  
_All that I breathe_

_Your voice calls out to me in my dreams_  
_Because I want you_  
_Won't let myself have you_

_You sing to me your sweet words_  
_'Let me love you.'_  
_Drown me in these feelings_  
_Can't find my way out_  
_Don't want to find my way out_

_Your voice calls out to me in my dreams_  
_Because I want you_  
_Because I want you_  
_Back._

The words, Jihoon's voice, the beautiful melody, it's everything to Seokmin. He can't breathe. Doesn't know what to do with himself, doesn't know how to feel. Does it mean that Jihoon's been having the dreams again, too?

Before he's aware, ten full minutes have passed by and he's listened to the song several more times. Tries to imprint it all perfectly within his mind, inside his heart. His phone buzzes again and Seokmin's heart leaps to see that it's Jihoon.

**_Jihoon:_ ** _??_

Seokmin has to pull in a deep breath. Stares at his phone screen for a couple more minutes, trying to figure out what to say. Suddenly, he wishes that he wasn't home alone. Wishes that Mingyu or Minghao were here for him to talk to. But he doesn't want to take the time out to phone one of them, not when Jihoon's so clearly waiting.

It takes him awhile to type anything back and he imagines Jihoon sitting curled up in his own bed, watching the screen, waiting for something to happen.

It's probably the most thought and time that Seokmin has ever put into a text message, he thinks, because he's usually fast and flighty with his words – (with his feelings) – and so this isn't like him at all.

**_Seokmin:_ ** _What does this mean?_

It's short, considering how long it takes him, but he doesn't want to jump to conclusions and he doesn't want to piss off – or scare off – Jihoon. So, short and simple. Something he's learnt from Jihoon, honestly.

It takes a good two minutes, he thinks, before he gets a reply. His heart is hanging, suspended heavily inside his throat, for every slow tick of those two minutes.

**_Jihoon:_ ** _It means will you come over?  
_ **_Jihoon:_ ** _Please?_

Seokmin has already pulled a coat on – unthinkingly grabbing Jihoon's baseball jacket, his favourite – and is putting his shoes on in the entranceway before he remembers that he should really message Jihoon back to let him know.

**_Seokmin:_ ** _I'm on my way._

He sends a quick text in his group chat with Mingyu and Minghao (Mingyu had named it _Roomies 4 Life_ and Minghao berates him constantly for this) letting them know that he's going out, and where.

Their responses are almost instant, though it's not until he's sitting down on the subway that he has the time to properly text them back – he doesn't want to walk into a street lamp again.

**_Mingyu:_ ** _Holy shit!!!_

**_Minghao:_ ** _Really?_

**_Mingyu:_ ** _Do you know what he wants?  
_ **_Mingyu:_ ** _Are you getting back together?_

**_Seokmin:_ ** He hasn't said anything yet  
**_Seokmin:_ ** _just sent me a song that I think he wrote himself  
_ **_Seokmin:_ ** also he said sorry, and asked me to go over

**_Minghao:_ ** _Be careful, Seok.  
_ **_Minghao:_ ** _Let us know if we need to come and get you, k?_

**_Mingyu:_ ** _Let me know if I need to kick his tiny ass for you!_

Seokmin's smiling to himself at his friends words, as he finally exits the subway and finds himself back outside in the chill winter air.

**_Seokmin:_ ** _I'll message you later, ok?_

**_Mingyu:_ ** _goodluck!!!_

**_Minghao:_ ** _Keep us posted._

His heart is doing all kinds of things that he's sure a heart definitely _shouldn't_ be doing, as he walks, hands stuffed deeply inside his pockets, making his way down familiar streets towards Jihoon's apartment. He passes the street where it happened, feels his heart clench tightly as he looks at the closed shop fronts; the flower shop that's full of colour and beauty in the daytime; the hairdressers that always has people chattering away inside. The convenience store is the only one open, the bright lights falling across the street, bathing the pavement in artificial luminescence. Seokmin waves briefly at the middle-aged woman who owns it as he walks past. It used to be part of his routine when coming back from Jihoon's in the evening, to stop in and get himself a snack or a drink, and have a friendly chat with the woman.

He doesn't have time tonight, his heart is racing to see Jihoon and find out what everything means, but the woman smiles at him in recognition and offers him a wave in return.

It's another ten minutes before Seokmin's rounding his way onto the street that Jihoon and Soonyoung live on, and every one of those minutes has felt slow and heavy, steps weighted in between each moment. He's all kinds of _not ready for this at all_ when he finally stands outside Jihoon's apartment door. Doesn't want to get his hopes up. But this is Lee Seokmin, forever a romantic, eternal optimist, always ready to see the best in people with a smile and a kind word for everyone around him. He can't help but get his hopes up a little bit.

He doesn't even buzz the alarm before the door is opening in front of him and he blinks, jumping back a little in surprise at the unexpectedness.

There in the doorway stands Jihoon, and he looks suddenly so very small to Seokmin. 

Tiny and vulnerable, swallowed up impossibly, drowning, in one of Seokmin's knitted sweaters that Jihoon had stolen from him ages ago.

His mind fizzles out a little bit, seeing Jihoon wearing his clothes like that again. Something inside of him shifts and turns, tries to pull free.

Jihoon's own eyes widen a little, seeing Seokmin standing there in what was his favourite jacket – ridiculously, and adorably, oversized on himself.

They stand there, staring at each other mutely for what feels like forever, neither knowing what to do or what to say. All of a sudden, all thought has left the both of them in this moment. All Seokmin really knows is that his heart, and his soul, seem to be rejoicing, finally being in the company again of their partner.

“Uh...” Jihoon says. “It's cold?”

Seokmin's sure that that's not what Jihoon really meant to say, especially as he looks a little puzzled by his own words then, frowning at himself. The tips of his ears turn red, and Seokmin tries not to let himself melt at the way Jihoon tilts his head a little to the side and stares up at him, “Um I mean...you can come in. If you want. Please?”

It's that awkwardness that always seems to pervade the air around them, and Seokmin's not sure if this is a good sign or a bad one. But he nods his head, let's Jihoon lead him into the apartment. Takes his shoes and his coat and scarf off in the hallway, hangs them up on the empty peg that he used to think of as his own whenever he used to come here, before. (There's a peg each for Soonyoung and Jihoon, understandably, and a couple of spare ones too, one always with a jacket or something that belongs to Junhui. So Seokmin's always thought of the fourth and last one as _his_. It's a familiarity that fills him with a pang of bittersweet feelings).

Jihoon leads Seokmin into the living room, sits himself down on the couch. He's at the far corner, legs curled up beneath him, making him look even smaller than he already is. As Seokmin sits himself carefully down on the other end, he has to resist the urge to pull Jihoon's small frame into his arms. All he wants to do his hug him and hold him, when he looks like this. Small and soft and vulnerable, so unlike the side of himself Jihoon tends to show in public. Something that Seokmin had worked at, for weeks and months, to finally earn the trust to see and witness for himself.

“Um...so...” Jihoon starts. His eyes flicker up to Seokmin's face briefly, until he finds himself looking away again. His fingers toy with the hem of the sweater, so ridiculously large on Jihoon. “Uh...what's up?”

Seokmin frowns, bemused, not sure whether to laugh, cry, or get angry.

“You...” he says, looking unflinchingly now at Jihoon. “You asked me to come over?”

Jihoon sighs, and Seokmin watches, curiously, as his shoulders suddenly seem to fall, and he curls further into himself. He still can't quite look at Seokmin, it seems. Several beats pass by, dense, between them before Jihoon finally speaks. “I don't know how to start,” he confesses.

Seokmin finds himself softening then. He can't help himself. He knows Jihoon has never been as open and as easy with his feelings as Seokmin is.

“Just start from the beginning?” He suggests, kindly. “What...what was that song?”

Here, Jihoon spares a glance at him, before his cheeks redden and he looks away again. “I...um. I wrote it. For, for you. About you.” The words come slowly, stiffly, but once they're out there they can't be unsaid, and Seokmin takes each one of them to his heart.

His eyes widen, surprised. It's one thing to suspect, but another thing entirely to hear it being said out loud, by Jihoon of all people.

“You did?”

Jihoon nods.

“When?”

Jihoon shrugs, although the motion is hard to see, his shoulders swallowed up by the large sweater hiding half of him. “I've been working on it for months now. But, well. I didn't finish it until...until after...”

“After you broke up with me.”

It hurts to say, and Seokmin has to force the words up and out of his throat, but he feels that it's something that he needs to voice. Needs to make clear between them. And the words hang in that still sticky, honey-like atmosphere that lies weighted between them. Caught fast, unavoidable.

Jihoon seems to flinch a little at the words. But they make him meet Seokmin's eyes. Makes him look, actually look, at Seokmin now. And, as Seokmin is usually one to wear his heart in his smile, so he wears his sadness in his face, as well. In the lack of a smile, in the way that it seems the sun itself has dimmed and lost its warmth and light, when there's no joy dancing in Seokmin's eyes.

Jihoon seems to take all of him in in that moment, and really see him.

Seokmin watches as Jihoon swallows thickly, wonders if Jihoon can feel that honey-like texture of tension sliding down his throat; catching his words, stifling his feelings, like it does to Seokmin.

If he does, then Jihoon seems to manage to push past it.

“Yeah, after I did that.” Jihoon takes his time, considers Seokmin, seems to consider too the empty couch seat that still sits between them. He looks for a moment like he wants to reach out, and seems to think better of it. Keeps his fingers toying with the hem of the sweater, instead. “I'm sorry, Seokmin.”

His stomach feels like it's full of rocks. His tongue is thick and heavy, stuck to the bottom of his mouth. “What...what does the song mean?”

“It's how I feel.”

Seokmin tries very hard not to let himself tear up. He's holding up incredibly well, all things considered, since he's the biggest crybaby in the world. It's probably because his emotions are all over the place and he doesn't know how to feel, can't read how this is going to go. How it's already going.

But he remembers the lyrics in Jihoon's song, has them imprinted already in his memory, etched inside his heart. And that very nearly undoes Seokmin.

He has to swallow a couple of times, take a deep breath and let it out, before he can say anything. “R-really?”

Jihoon nods.

“Then...” and this, he finds is the harder question still to ask, even if it's the one that's plagued his nights (and his days) ever since it happened. “Then, why did you...?”

Jihoon's entire body moves as he sighs this time. He looks up at Seokmin, and there's suddenly so much emotion in his face, swimming in his eyes, and Seokmin has to pull in another breath. He's never seen Jihoon _feel_ so much before.

But he sits there, keeps that distance between them, and stays quiet. Waits for Jihoon, because this is on him right now. He needs to find the words he's always seemed to struggle so hard for.

“I'm really bad at this,” he admits, letting his breath go in one quick _whoosh_. “That's, um, that's why I wanted you to hear the song first. It's easier than talking about my feelings.”

“It's okay,” Seokmin says, tries to sound encouraging. Tries not to let his curiosity get to him. It's okay that Jihoon needs time. Seokmin's learnt enough by now to be able to give him that, he thinks. “It's only me.”

Jihoon laughs, a quiet almost bitter sound. He drags a hand – the one not still toying with the sweater – roughly through his hair. Seokmin has to stop himself from reaching out as he watches Jihoon tug at his own hair a little, so clearly frustrated. He lets his hand drop then, hair falling easily back into place (and goodness, what Seokmin wouldn't give to be able to run his fingers through it suddenly) and looks over at Seokmin.

“It's because it's _you_ that it's so hard,” he admits quickly. The words come out as if unplanned, and Seokmin finds his eyes widening, taken aback.

“I...”

Jihoon's shaking his head, cutting Seokmin off. “No. No, I don't mean it like that. I just...I've never felt so much before, you know? And that's because it's you. So it's hard to tell you. Because it's you, you know?”

Seokmin feels his head swimming a little, lost in the sea of words that Jihoon's just babbled out at him. He shrugs, looks a little confused. “I have no idea what you're talking about,” he says, a little apologetically. “Sorry?”

Jihoon's grip tightens on the sweater, tugs a little at a loose thread, and finally Seokmin lets himself reach out. For the first time in what feels like an age he touches Jihoon, lightly takes hold of his hand. Jihoon's skin feels cold against Seokmin's palm, and even still, there's that electric tingle that jumps between them, at touching this man that he loves. That he's still so ridiculously in love with.

His soulmate.

He pulls Jihoon's hand away easily before letting go, shuffles back until he's once again leaning against the armrest of the couch.

“You'll ruin it,” is all he offers as explanation. “And that's my favourite sweater.”

Jihoon's lips twist upwards, just a little, the smallest hint. The sun, as it's trying to peak over the horizon in the early hours of the morning.

“Sorry.”

“Just...” Seokmin pauses to lick his lips, gives himself a moment to think and to breathe. “Just, tell me why? What did I do so wrong?”

Jihoon looks worried then, as if he's just realised he's the cause of the sun losing its shine. “Seokmin...no. No, fuck. You didn't...it's not your fault, okay? Honestly. I'm a terrible person and a shitty boyfriend.”

The image of Jihoon in front of him distorts, abruptly, fractures into wobbly, multiple images of Jihoon's panicked expression. He rubs at his face, a little roughly in his frustration, tries to swallow back the tears. The weighted feeling in his stomach grows, because so far this doesn't sound like it's going anywhere good.

“Seokmin...” Jihoon sounds aghast, and it's the last look Seokmin sees, before he's burying his own face in his hands.

He's used to crying, so very used to it because almost anything and everything makes Seokmin cry, but he's not used to crying with this swirl of emotions running through him.

It comes as a surprise then, when he feels a weighted pressure against his body. Feels arms wrap themselves a little stiffly, a little hesitant, around his shoulders. Feels himself pulled against the much smaller frame of Jihoon's body. They must look a sight, with Jihoon trying to wind his arms around Seokmin's broad shoulders and hold him.

But all Seokmin can think is that Jihoon's hugging him, he's actually holding him. Of his own volition. If they weren't broken up, this would be a massive step forward for him.

Another sob wobbles itself out of his mouth.

“Please,” Jihoon says, sounding a little bit scared, and quite a lot distraught. “You know I'm awful when you cry. Seokmin...”

Now his face is buried somewhere in the warmth of Jihoon's neck, and he knows he's getting the sweater all gross and damp with his tears. So his voice comes out thick and muffled when he can finally get enough air inside himself to speak again.

“S-sorry,” Seokmin says, and he wonders vaguely how many times he's apologised now. “I just...just dunno w-why you. Why you did it? And then you send me that song an-and tell me that you _mean_ it...And I...I, I thought it meant y-you wanted me again... But you _don't_ and...” His words stop abruptly, a hiccup escaping him in lieu of all the things still left unsaid.

“Seok...”

He feels as Jihoon shifts around a little, feels the warmth of Jihoon's arms leave his shoulders. But it's only to move that warmth somewhere else.

Jihoon's hands cover his own, and slowly Seokmin feels as fingers pull them away from his face. He finds himself then staring at Jihoon, so much closer than he could have anticipated.

He still looks concerned, and lost, so lost. Jihoon drops Seokmin's hands, but before Seokmin can wonder about it, Jihoon's reaching up towards him. He cups Seokmin's cheeks in both of his hands, the fingers of one trying to brush away the deluge of tears that had tracked down Seokmin's cheeks.

“I fucking love you, you idiot.”

The words come out in a rush, as if Jihoon gives himself no time to think, no time at all to consider them and just speaks. Jihoon's heart, Seokmin thinks, is in those words.

They hit him hard, make his eyes widen. Make his heart thump, twice, thrice, heavily inside of his chest. He wonders if he's momentarily lost his mind, because to hear Jihoon say that...

“You what?”

“I said I love you. Are you deaf now as well?”

It's meant to be teasing but it's so absurd, everything is in this moment, and that's enough to actually make Seokmin laugh a little. Jihoon joins in, and soon they find themselves giggling a little bit helplessly into each other. Nothing still makes any sense to Seokmin, but Jihoon _loves_ him. That means a lot. It means everything.

“I'm so confused,” he admits, when their laughter finally fades away.

The tension between them slowly begins to unstick. Easier, a little bit, to tread through. Jihoon's hands have left Seokmin's face, but they stay curled closely together. Instead, Jihoon's fingers work their way into Seokmin's shirt, twisting and holding the fabric between them.

“I'm not kidding when I say I'm really, really shitty at this kind of thing,” Jihoon admits, beginning slowly. His fingers twist a little tighter with every word. Seokmin has to reach down and slide his fingers between Jihoon's, to loosen the grip. “With feelings and talking and stuff.”

“It's okay,” Seokmin assures him softly. “Take your time. I'm listening. But I just...I need some answers, you know?”

Jihoon nods. He settles himself more comfortably against Seokmin, rests his head against Seokmin's chest. If it's easier for him to talk without looking at Seokmin, then he's fine with that.

Eventually, Jihoon begins to speak. Hesitant, stilted, but it starts to come out. Feelings begin to piece themselves together, slowly, with each new word that Jihoon weaves into being.

“I just. I've never dated before, you know? I didn't care. Couldn't be bothered. Finding my soulmate never mattered to me. So I'm not used to like...to having to deal with feelings, and shit. And then you...” Seokmin feels those fingers twist a little tighter in his shirt again, as Jihoon hesitates. “Then you were there, making me fucking _feel_ things, and I didn't know how to cope with it. You were all...let's go on dates, and shit. All 'oh hey we're boyfriends now.' Your smile would make me feel things I've never felt before. It was so damn weird and uncomfortable. And you were really fucking annoying, too.”

Seokmin lets out a tiny breath, a slightly twisted laugh.

“Wow, tell me more. Really making me feel good about myself here.”

He feels one of Jihoon's hands smack his tummy, a barely-there touch really, and there's an annoyed huff of air to follow. “Be quiet. I'm trying to explain myself.”

“Go on,” Seokmin encourages. “You're doing so well.”

Another smack, and Seokmin actually feels it this time.

“Anyway...you, uh...you actually made me feel things. And everytime you looked like you wanted to kiss me, I just didn't know what to do with myself. Like, what the fuck? This giant idiot with the brightest smile on the planet is focusing all this attention on _me_ ? Wants to actually kiss me?” Jihoon let out a soft, bitter laugh. “ I didn't know how to deal with that. So I just...didn't. And, er...it just. I was overwhelmed, okay? At where things were going, and how I was starting to feel. How I think _you_ were starting to feel, too.”

Seokmin's never been very good at keeping his own feelings under control, he knows.

“I'm sorry,” he says quietly, and he feels bad about it. About how when all he wanted to do was love Jihoon, was what seemed to have scared him away. “I was...I was just so happy. I didn't mean to-to drown you in my feelings.”

He feels the sensation of Jihoon shaking his head against his chest. A strange little tickle almost.

“I could have talked to you about it. But I'm a dickhead with no emotional capacity, so I tried to ignore it instead. And you...you said something about me 'loving you' that night, and. And I kind of lost it, I guess. Because it got so far from what I'd ever imagined. Which wasn't a lot, because I wasn't interesting in dating.”

Seokmin opens his mouth to speak again – not sure what he wants to say, but just knowing that he wants, needs, to say something.

But Jihoon stops him quickly with a sharp poke to Seokmin's side, making him squirm and jump.

“Don't you dare apologise again. I'm sick of hearing it. And I feel bad every time.”

“But...” Seokmin ventures slowly, unable to stop himself. “But I am. I didn't mean to make you feel so awful.”

Jihoon's voice is so small when his next words reach Seokmin's ears.

“...You didn't. Not really.”

Seokmin tenses. “What?”

And Jihoon sighs again. Fingers twisting back within Seokmin's shirt, so much so that Seokmin wonders how badly creased, and possibly ruined, his shirt will be by the end of it all. His breath sits, bulky, inside his chest as he waits for Jihoon to speak.

“Look. Like I said, I'm a shitty boyfriend who can't deal with emotions. But...but you still made me like. Really happy. Stupidly happy. Embarrassingly happy, really. It's disgusting. I don't know how you do it. Why is your smile so bright? You're such an asshole, making me fall in love with you.”

And it comes out of Seokmin in one long rush of air, enough to have Jihoon tilting his face upwards, and finally, their eyes meet again. Jihoon looks a mixture of embarrassed, almost mortified, really, at admitting to all these things out loud, but he also looks so painfully concerned. As if he's worried about how Seokmin's going to take all of this.

Seokmin has to fight hard to swallow back the tears that want to rise again.

“Do... do you really mean that?”

Jihoon nods and his cheeks turn such a bright red that Seokmin has to fight to keep his hands to himself, to make sure that he doesn't just pinch them. Even in this moment, Jihoon is so impossibly cute to him.

“I wouldn't say if it I didn't mean it.”

Seokmin let's out a deep breath, nods his head, because that's one thing he definitely knows about Jihoon after all their time together. He's not flippant with his words.

They sit like that in silence for a little while, curled closely in each other's arms, just letting all the truths and words and emotions sink in to themselves. It's a lot for Seokmin to think over, he knows, and he'll have much to occupy his mind.

It's Jihoon, surprisingly, who ventures to break the silence between them first. His voice sounds so small, so unsure of himself, and something in Seokmin aches at the sound of it.

“Can you...uh, do you. Could you, um, forgive me? D'you think?”

Seokmin finally gives in to himself, can't help it, and his arms tighten their hold around Jihoon's shoulders, pulls him even closer against himself. Hugs him so tightly that for a moment there's no telling where Jihoon ends and Seokmin begins. Their arms, hearts and souls, entwined.

“If you can forgive me, for being an oblivious fool and pushing you too much. I promise,” he starts, words coming out in a sudden rush of feelings, “that I'll be more thoughtful in future. I won't...I won't rush you, or force you into more affection than you're comfortable with, or. Or anything like that.”

“Seokmin.” Jihoon pushes against him a little, makes Seokmin loosen his vice-like hold until Jihoon can tilt his head back and look up at Seokmin's face. Looks at him properly, intently, his face full of meaning.

“Seok,” he starts again. “Don't. Don't do that, okay? I,” he looks away suddenly and Seokmin doesn't miss the way the tips of Jihoon's ears begin to redden. “I kinda got used to it. So, um. Don't bother.”

Seokmin's heart begins to swell, and all the feelings that had sunk slowly start to rise back to the surface. Rise and grow, making him feel warm and happy. And so, so in love.

“You're such an idiot,” he says, all fondness in his voice, affection on his face.

Jihoon frowns at him. “Sorry?”

“But you're my idiot.”

“Hey!” Jihoon protests, shoving playfully at Seokmin now. “That's my line. Idiot.”

Words are lost then, in the brightness of Seokmin's laugh. And Jihoon, finally, joins him in it.

 

**

 

It’s no surprise, really, that things start off a little bit awkward. It’s them, afterall, and awkwardness has been sprinkled throughout their entire relationship so far.

They start off small. Seokmin echoing something he’d said to Jihoon, back when they had first started all of this: baby steps. They go out for food together, one of their favourite past times. Lunches together in the week, dinners sometimes in the evening. They go to the movies, watch Jihoon’s new favourite Marvel film at least twice.

And now, because Seokmin understands Jihoon a whole lot better - and himself, too - he worries less about how things are going. He knows that Jihoon swatting his hand away sometimes still isn’t because he doesn’t love Seokmin, or doesn’t want to be with him. (And anyway, Seokmin usually manages to get his way later on, because when they’re alone together Jihoon will definitely begin to soften and let Seokmin hold his hand. For a little while, anyway).

So it goes slowly. They take their time and pace themselves. Try to find their way back to the place they’d been at, before. But there’s a comfort now for Seokmin that wasn’t there previously. The knowledge of how Jihoon actually feels, where he is. And it’s a weight around Seokmin, but it’s that of a blanket, or a warm pair of arms (and a clingy, small frame). It settles around Seokmin’s shoulders, and it soothes him. Whenever he catches Jihoon’s eye, sees the smile on his face that Seokmin’s helped make appear, he feels okay. They’re okay.

 

**

 

It’s Seokmin’s birthday, and he’s going out to celebrate it with all his friends.

“Ugh. It’s freezing out. Why is your birthday in February?”

As Seokmin looks over his shoulder he lets out a loud, amused laugh. Jihoon’s lying sprawled comfortably across Seokmin’s bed, playing a game on his phone, looking for all the world as if they _aren’t_ running late or anything.

Goodness, but he’s so cute, Seokmin thinks helplessly to himself.

“Sorry, you’ll have to have a word with my parents about that one.”

Jihoon’s nose crinkles in distaste, and Seokmin laughs again. He can’t help himself.

“Please.”

He steps away from his tiny closet - he already knows what jacket he’s going to wear - and makes his way toward his bed, and Jihoon.

It’s not until Seokmin’s all but looming over him that Jihoon actually looks up, and he’s still making that adorable expression. Seokmin can’t help himself again. There’s a brief moment of hesitation, but he pushes that aside, reminds himself that it’s okay. Jihoon told him not to change.

So he doesn’t, and he gives in to the urge that’s filling him just then. And that is to lean down and press a kiss to Jihoon’s cutely wrinkled nose.

Jihoon makes a sound, half-gasp and half-choke, and he sputters wordlessly. Drops his phone on Seokmin’s bed, as he makes to try and push Seokmin away. It’s so half-hearted though, it’s as if Jihoon gives up partway through the motion, and his arm falls back to his side again.

“You’re such a sap.”

“Yup,” Seokmin agrees, smiling widely.

“Stop that.”

He tilts his head a little but tries to smile even wider, if that’s at all possible. (If he had asked, Jihoon would have told him that yes, it was possible, goddamnit). “Stop what?”

“Stop smiling. You look ridiculous. And it like…” he waves his hand around now, a little vaguely. “It does shit to my heart.”

“Oh, Jihoon!” Seokmin exclaims, touching on overdramatics now as he presses a hand to his heart; he’s not a drama major for nothing. “How you touch me! You’re a born romantic! Never before has anyone said anything so beautiful to me! ‘It does shit to my heart.’ I’m going to cherish those words until my dying day.”

Jihoon’s pulling a face, but even as he pushes himself up from the bed, tries to square up beside Seokmin (it’s cute how he tries, but Seokmin loves how short he is) he can see that Jihoon’s trying to keep the laughter from showing.

“Which is gonna be soon, you dork,” Jihoon warns, play-threatening.

“Say it to me again, please,” Seokmin jokes.

Jihoon makes a sound, disgusted amusement, perhaps, and reaches out to smack Seokmin on the hip. Seokmin reaches out, captures Jihoon’s slim wrist easily between his fingers in a loose hold, and they stand there together, suddenly frozen. Seokmin’s heart is pounding away inside of him, racing to escape the confines of his chest. They’re so close to each other, and that sudden realisation gives them both pause for thought. Jihoon’s wrist is small and warm, beneath Seokmin’s palm.

There’s a stickiness in the air, bubbling up between them. A tension that Seokmin hasn’t felt between them for awhile now, they’ve been taking things so slowly after all.

There’s a telltale colouring that spreads across Jihoon’s cheeks. Seokmin wonders if he can hear Jihoon’s own pounding heart in the silence that falls between them, weighty and thick. Not a bad tension. There’s a buzzing sensation, Seokmin thinks, across his skin, of excitement? A nervousness, too.

The moment spirals out between them both, coils and twists, wraps them both within it. Jihoon’s head is tilted up towards Seokmin and he looks almost as if he’s waiting. For Seokmin?

But there’s a tendril of fear unfurling itself within him. He can’t help but remember every other time that they’ve been in this same moment, that he’s wanted to kiss Jihoon, or tried to. It’s never quite worked before, and he can’t help the small seed of doubt that lingers still.

It’ll break him, he thinks, if he’s rejected now, again. If he can’t even kiss the man he loves properly.

Jihoon’s staring up at him and as the moment draws itself out between them, his eyebrows begin to crease into a slight frown. He tugs a little, with the wrist that’s caught between Seokmin’s fingers. Seokmin makes to let go, thinking that that’s what Jihoon wants, but before he can he feels Jihoon’s fingers now sliding down his forearm. Feels them work themselves, a little hesitant, between Seokmin’s. Fits their palms together.

Seokmin feels his chest expand. Feels his heart growing.

“Well?” Jihoon says, tugs a little at their joined hands. “Are you gonna kiss me? Or do you just wanna stand there looking like a dummy?”

Seokmin’s mouth falls open in surprise.

Jihoon rolls his eyes. “Gotta do it myself then. Typical,” he mumbles to himself. And then he’s reaching up, his free hand on Seokmin’s shoulder, and pulls Seokmin down towards him.

There’s enough presence of mind left for Seokmin to allow his back to actually bend, but it doesn’t last for long. Their lips meet, and Seokmin tastes the stars. Feels the warmth of the sun. Tumbles headlong, head-first, into love.

It’s soft, so soft, as they kiss. It’s so very like them, too; everything they have been, everything they are, and probably still everything that is yet to come. Hesitant in the way their mouths are pressed gently together. Awkward, because they have yet to work out how to properly come together. And full of emotions, as Seokmin feels everything that Jihoon’s putting into the tender kiss. Everything that Seokmin’s trying to put into it, too.

He feels himself sigh, a soft breath of air that fans out against Jihoon’s lips. He has to shift himself a little, because the height difference is a bit challenging. So Seokmin winds his free arm around Jihoon’s waist, tugs their bodies closer together, leans down a little further.

He doesn’t miss the quiet gasp that slips from Jihoon’s lips; doesn’t miss it because they’re still so near, and Jihoon’s breath mingles with Seokmin’s own, the space between them almost nonexistent in this moment.

And Seokmin closes that tiny space now himself, leans in to seal their lips together in another kiss. It’s not perfect, but to Seokmin, that’s what makes it even better. Has him seeing stars behind his closed eyes, has him feeling endless, feeling _everything_.

They kiss, and he feels Jihoon lean into it, lean into him, responding with enthusiasm. It’s slow, but thorough, Seokmin taking his time. He doesn’t want this feeling to end. Doesn’t want to lose this warmth, to lose the way Jihoon feels, pressed up against him, held within the circle of his arms. Beneath the sweet press of his lips.

His skin and his heart comes alight, shudders with feeling. He feels alive in a way that he’s never really felt before.

They kiss until they’re both breathless, and when Seokmin pulls away, it’s to see Jihoon looking a little awed, and a lot flustered. But it’s also to see Jihoon looking at Seokmin in a way that he’s never noticed before. It steals what little air was left inside his body, fills him with an emotion that Seokmin doesn’t even have the words for.

He’s looking at Seokmin as if he’s Jihoon’s entire world. As if he’s the one who’s finally found the oasis, after being lost in the desert. As if Seokmin is everything to him.

Jihoon blinks, then, seems to come back to himself, lowers his feet fully back to the ground (was he on tiptoes, Seokmin wonders, because that’s too damn cute). Takes a small step back, as he unwinds himself from around Seokmin.

“Uh…,” he looks away, clearly embarrassed now, and Seokmin feels like he might combust. Not only have they finally - _finally_ \- kissed, and it was amazing, but now Jihoon’s just the most adorable person and Seokmin doesn’t know how to contain himself. “Um, thank you?”

That’s enough to bring Seokmin floating back down into the moment proper, and he lets out a laugh. Surprised, but not really.

“Shouldn’t I be thanking you?” He says, a teasing little smile on his face now. A bravery is beginning to well up within him, after they’ve finally crossed that moment.

Jihoon looks at him again, frowning a little. “For what?”

Seokmin can still feel the warmth from where their hands were joined, until only moments ago. He let’s that sensation curl around his fingers, tries to hold it close to himself. “For the kiss. Wasn’t that my birthday present?”

Jihoon stares for a moment, before he lets out a soft breath of air, disbelieving. It’s soon replaced by a laugh that he seems unable to hold back, and this time when he reaches out to hit Seokmin, his hand actually connects with Seokmin’s shoulder. He shoves at him, lightly.

“Wish you’d told me sooner that you’re such a cheap date. I wouldn’t have spent money on you if I’d known.”

Their joking is soon interrupted by a loud knocking on Seokmin’s door, and Mingyu’s voice calling to them from the other side to _‘Hurry the hell up! This is your birthday and you’re already late!’_

They both grab their coats, laughing, and Jihoon shoves Seokmin towards the door. But before they can open it, Seokmin, feeling bold and flushed with love, reaches down again, presses another kiss to Jihoon’s lips; firm but brief. It feels just as thrilling as the first, though.

“You look great, by the way,” Seokmin tells him, laughing at the look of surprise still captured on Jihoon’s face.

“I’m supposed to be telling you that. It’s your birthday, and you’re the one who actually dressed up for it.”

Seokmin grins down at Jihoon, before pulling his bedroom door open. “Tell me, then,” he challenges.

Jihoon turns an impressive colour, and it only serves to make Seokmin smile wider. There’s a feeling blooming within him, one that’s beginning to recognise what kind of power he can suddenly wield over Jihoon with a touch of bravery, and a little daring flirtation.

“You’re impossible.”

Jihoon pulls the door closed behind them as he follows Seokmin towards the front door, where both Mingyu and Minghao are waiting for them now, a little impatiently.

“Ooh, tell me more, babe.”

It’s the term of endearment that does it, and though Seokmin only says it as a joke, he doesn’t miss the look that passes across Jihoon’s face; he doesn’t think that Jihoon hates it completely.

It does earn Seokmin a swift kick though, and he laughs, even as he knows he’s pushing his luck a little. But there’s no fear left to it now.

“I’ll tell you something in a minute,” Jihoon threatens, though it’s all a front. Seokmin can see through it now.

“Just hurry up, will you? Everyone’s waiting. Seungkwan’s sending me increasingly annoying emoji’s the longer they have to wait.” Minghao says, although there’s a teasing tone beneath his words.

“Sorry, sorry,” Seokmin says, laughing, as he leans down to slip his shoes on, shuffles about to find his scarf and hat.

“You won’t make it to your next birthday at this rate!” Mingyu jokes, noting the looks Seokmin is on the receiving end of.

Seokmin grabs Jihoon’s scarf from the side table by the front door, and grins widely as he starts to wrap it around Jihoon’s neck for him. He’s trying to be cute, and he thinks it’s working, even as Jihoon bats his hands away.

“You might be right,” Seokmin agrees, as they all finally manage to step out the front door, and leave the apartment. “Better enjoy this one while I can!”

He doesn’t miss the small smile though that Jihoon tries to hide behind his scarf, as they all make their way down the road.

When Jihoon meets Seokmin’s gaze, sees the grin that’s still overflowing across Seokmin’s face - giddy and impossibly sincere - he can’t help but match it. A moment shared between them, a memory made together. And something, hopefully, to come back to later.

As they spend the evening amongst their friends laughing and joking, all immersed in the common goal of joy, Seokmin can’t help but spare many a glance at Jihoon beside him. They’re close, but not touching; Jihoon’s never going to be one for public displays. But everytime Seokmin looks over, and everytime that Jihoon catches him staring, Seokmin can’t help but think that they might have finally reached beyond where they had been, before. Feels it in his soul, that they’re growing past it now. Slowly, but they’re doing it together, and that’s the important part.

 

**

 

“You know when we, when we weren't together?”

Jihoon hums a question, sparing a glance down at Seokmin, whose head is cradled comfortably in his lap. The movie plays on in front of them, only background noise in all honesty. Seokmin's more focused on the fingers that are running absently through his hair. He feels light, almost boneless, the most comfortable he's been in a long time.

It's a question that's been on Seokmin's mind, and now that that time is somewhat behind them, he's beginning to feel a little more comfortable talking about it. Within reason, anyway. “I started having my soulmate dreams again. You know. And I wondered...did you, too?”

He looks up into Jihoon's face, catches the look of surprise that flickers across it. Jihoon's fingers still for a moment before resuming their slow, soft trails through Seokmin's hair.

“Yeah,” he admits. “It's, uh, it's part of what prompted me to finish writing that song. You know.”

It's Seokmin's turn to feel some surprise now. “Really?”

Jihoon nods. “It's actually, well. The melody of that is what you would sing, in my dreams?”

Seokmin's so taken by that, that for a moment he can't even find the words to express it. A rare thing, for Lee Seokmin to be speechless.

Jihoon continues though. They've come a long way, Seokmin thinks. Jihoon's less stiff and stilted than he used to be. Not exactly _easy_ with voicing his feelings, but there's less hesitance now. A little more confidence, it seems. A surety now, in knowing better how he feels, and being able to talk about it more.

“It's like. From the time I had my first dream, your annoying voice got stuck instead my head. And I had to write it into a song.” He smiles teasingly down at Seokmin, who reaches up, tries to swat at Jihoon's shoulder playfully.

Jihoon reaches out, grabs Seokmin's wayward hand instead, and keeps hold of it. “Keep your hands to yourself, please.”

“Jihoonie,” Seokmin whines a little, though it's difficult when the smile is trying to break out across his face. “That started off so sweet! My voice isn't really annoying, is it?”

“It's the most annoying thing in the world.”

Seokmin's heart feels as warm as his hand does, enclosed still within Jihoon's.

The touching and the affection has been growing between them, too. It's nice. It's good. Seokmin's happy and, he thinks ( _hopes_ ) he's making Jihoon happy, too.

The teasing dies down and Seokmin lowers his hand, Jihoon's fingers now entwined between his own, to rest on top of his chest. Just above his steadily beating heart. Jihoon's other hand resumes playing with Seokmin's hair. They really have come a long way, he thinks, from that first awkward date.

Jihoon's the one to break the silence again, surprisingly, but when he does, Seokmin feels his heart growing ten sizes larger inside his chest.

“Your singing is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Asshole. Those dreams used to drive me crazy.”

Seokmin hums, happy now, Jihoon's compliments not missed on him. Unconventional, maybe, but then their entire relationship has been so far. It's okay, Seokmin thinks to himself. It suits them.

“Me too. Hey,” he says, tugs lightly at their clasped hands, until Jihoon's looking down into Seokmin's face curiously. “Will you sing for me sometime, please? I've only heard that audio clip...it's not the same.”

Jihoon looks away, but Seokmin doesn't miss the light flush of colour on his face now.

“Maybe sometime.”

Beneath the words Jihoon says, Seokmin can hear the meaning they're actually filled with. It sounds like a promise, and Seokmin doesn't mind waiting.

He reaches up then with his free hand, trails his fingers along Jihoon's cheek. He feels Jihoon turn, ever so slightly into the touch, and Seokmin's learnt enough of the language to know that means _it's okay, keep going._ So he lets his hand slide to the back of Jihoon's neck. Brushes his fingers through the soft hair at the nape of his neck, before he pulls Jihoon down towards him.

Seokmin leans up a little, a sweet compromise as their lips meet. They're better at it now. It's with a more practised ease, but still there’s that jolting thrill of electricity, as their lips come together. Seokmin feels Jihoon's fingers tighten their hold around his own, presses their hands together, tighter, against his now racing heart. He feels as Jihoon all but melts against him, into him, as their mouths move together. They kiss slowly, deeply, Seokmin trying to give all of himself to Jihoon.

The shiver begins at the back of Jihoon's neck; Seokmin feels it ripple beneath the press of his fingers, feels it then as it shakes its way down Jihoon's spine, shakes against Seokmin. There's a similar jolt that makes its way through Seokmin's body, as Jihoon's teeth sink into Seokmin's lower lip, the bite playful. It has a powerful effect on Seokmin, has him shudder against Jihoon's mouth and gasp softly.

It's his turn to melt into the kiss as Jihoon drags his tongue slowly, almost tauntingly, over the spot he'd just bitten. Seokmin's almost sure he can feel the evil little smile that plays across Jihoon's lips. Seokmin doesn't give him the chance to revel in it for long. He threads his fingers through Jihoon's dark hair, pulls him closer, deepens the kiss altogether, until they're breathless and gasping against each other's lips.

When Seokmin slowly opens his eyes, their faces still pressed close together, it's to the most beautiful sight he thinks he's ever seen. There's something so enamouring about Jihoon's face like this, flushed with colour, lips swollen with kisses, breath falling softly from his mouth. His eyes have gone so dark and there's another shiver of an entirely different kind now, that dances it's way down Seokmin's spine.

Jihoon lets out a small huff and they pull away a little, better to look at each other.

“I'm so fucking soft for you,” Jihoon almost groans. “Asshole.”

Seokmin let's out a laugh, bright and full of warmth.

“Love you too.”

 

**

 

There’s a sense of security now, for Seokmin, of comfort and surety. Trust. He trusts Jihoon, with his heart and with his soul. It might seem improbable still to some around them, but Seokmin knows it’s there and that it’s real. They’ve come so far together now, he thinks.

And they can talk to each other. Jihoon might still struggle with voicing his feelings at times, but they’ve both learnt the importance of being able to be open and honest with each other. It’s something they didn’t have before, that Seokmin didn’t realise the importance of, until they actually reached that point together.

It makes a difference. It’s not rejection, and it’s not scary, when Jihoon can _tell_ Seokmin that he isn’t ready for something yet.

And maybe the way he tells Seokmin isn’t all that conventional. He remembers a time, curled up close together on Jihoon’s bed, kissing the breath from each other’s lungs, the air coiling, warm and inviting, around them both. How flushed and flustered they had both been. How Seokmin had suddenly found himself just _wanting_.

When he had barely voiced the suggestion, still a little shy himself, Jihoon had laughed and said, “I think I might faint if I see you naked now.”

No hurt this time, only understanding, and they’d taken to just sharing gentle kisses instead. Seokmin could wait. Will happily wait, for Jihoon to be comfortable.

Because there’s that trust now between them. In them; in Jihoon; in who the universe has chosen to be Seokmin’s soulmate.

(“Don’t put so much stock into all that. I know you, uh, you sang to me in my dreams and shit. But in the end, we chose each other really.” And Seokmin had nearly earned himself a smack at how he’d almost cried at those words, much to Jihoon’s faux-chagrin).

 

**

 

Seokmin sits in Jihoon's room, the warmth of the spring sun falling in through the open window. The air is fresh and full of the promise of new life. It's Seokmin's favourite time of year.

He waits patiently – his fingers tapping away against his knee, humming quietly to himself, so not patiently at all – for Jihoon to come back. His eyes fall to a stuffed toy, a round bird with comically large eyebrows, making him look grumpy. He smiles with such fondness, remembers how he'd won that toy for Jihoon, so long ago now. Back when they were new and trying to fit themselves together. He can't believe that Jihoon still has it, that he keeps it in plain sight.

When Jihoon finally steps into the room, it's to see Seokmin smiling to himself.

“What's so funny?” he asks. He has his guitar in one hand as he walks towards Seokmin.

Seokmin points over to the bird plush. “You still have that toy?” he questions, his smile wide. The sun seems brighter inside the room now.

Jihoon's eyes follow Seokmin's gesture, land on the stuffed toy, before he looks back over at Seokmin. He lets out a short laugh and shrugs his shoulders, trying to affect nonchalance. Seokmin can see the hint of colour across Jihoon's cheeks, though. Can almost read him like a book.

“It was a present,” Jihoon says. “You don't throw away presents.”

Seokmin laughs, a little too loud. “You threw away that sweater that Mingyu bought you,” he accuses.

Jihoon shrugs again, though he doesn't meet Seokmin's eyes. “It was really, really ugly.”

“Ouch. I'm so touched that you kept mine, then.”

“Idiot.”

Seokmin points to the guitar in Jihoon's hand. “What's that for?” He asks, curiously.

Jihoon seems to grow a little shy again at the reminder. A little hesitant, and it's so stupidly cute and endearing, Seokmin thinks that his heart might burst.

“You wanted to hear me sing.”

Abruptly, Seokmin sits up straight, eyes wide with interest. “Yes,” he says, voice hushed. And then louder. “Yes! Oh my god.”

Jihoon runs a hand back through his hair self-consciously. “I think I've changed my mind.”

Seokmin quickly shakes his head, reaches out, though he's still on the bed and Jihoon is on the other side of the room. “No no no. Please. Sing for me.”

Jihoon huffs, but gives in easily. He pulls the chair out from his desk and settles himself into it. Takes a few minutes to adjust himself and make sure that the guitar is in tune. When he's done he looks up, across the room at Seokmin, who is sitting as still as is possible for a ridiculously energetic young man to sit.

“I've been adjusting the song I, um, wrote for you. You remember? And, well, it's meant to be played on a piano but...” he shrugs his shoulders helplessly. “I'm a poor college student. No piano for you today.”

“No, it's perfect,” Seokmin insists. “Please.”

Jihoon looks a little nervous, hesitates as he pretends to adjust himself again, but then he starts and Seokmin is gone. His heart soaring, floating away with the melody of the guitar. He watches, enraptured, as Jihoon's fingers work the guitar strings, pluck the tune out into existence. It sounds different from the other version he's heard, with the piano, but it's just as perfect. It sounds raw, and it feels real. There's a softness to the gentle guitar, and when Jihoon's soothing voice joins in, it's even more beautiful.

It's sweeter than Seokmin remembers from his dreams; sweet and alluring. It's dazzling, in a way that Jihoon probably has no idea of. But Seokmin feels as the breath is stolen straight out of his chest, the softness of Jihoon's lilting voice blending perfectly with the melody of his guitar playing.

It's the same song that he's long since embedded into his heart, but there's a few changes here and there. There's more lyrics, now.

Seokmin finds himself melting into the now familiar words, still unable to get his head around the fact that Jihoon wrote this for him. About him. Because of him.

His favourite part comes up, and there's something so different about hearing Jihoon like this. Out of his dreams, out of the audio file saved on his phone. Soaring into that space within his heart, that Jihoon's long since claimed for himself.

_Your voice calls out to me in my dreams_  
_Because I want you  
Won't let myself have you_

_You're all I hear_  
_All that I see  
All that I breathe_

_Your voice calls out to me in my dreams_  
_Because I want you  
Won't let myself have you_

_You sing to me your sweet words_  
_'Let me love you.'_  
_Drown me in these feelings_  
_Can't find my way out  
Don't want to find my way out_

_Your voice calls out to me in my dreams_  
_Because I want you_  
_Because I want you  
Back._

_My soul's for you_  
_This song's for you_  
_Because I want you._

The new lyrics at the end take Seokmin by surprise. The tears that fall from his face, however, are not a surprise at all.

Jihoon looks embarrassed when he finishes, and then he just sighs when he sees the tears on Seokmin's face. A weary sigh, but it's all affectation again, because he puts the guitar down and walks over to sit beside Seokmin.

“Why are you crying, you dork?”

“Because it's for me,” Seokmin says, smiling through the tears. He wipes at his damp cheeks, trying not to blush now himself. “Because it's beautiful."

Jihoon makes a gagging noise. “Please. You know I can't handle this cringe.”

What would have once made Seokmin pause with uncertainty now makes him laugh, and he barrells right on over it. Knows that Jihoon doesn't mean it. Well, he does mean it, but Seokmin knows what he can get away with. And he knows how soft he can make Jihoon. He's learnt some tricks during their time together, too.

“You're not really cringing,” Seokmin insists, still smiling. He reaches out for Jihoon, who pushes Seokmin's hand away. It's playful though, half-hearted.

So Seokmin reaches again, takes hold of Jihoon's hand, and holds it between themselves.

“Did you like it?” Jihoon asks, instead.

“I love it,” Seokmin declares. “Thank you.”

Jihoon shields his eyes with his other hand, laughing as he jokes, “whoa, calm down. You're blinding me with that smile of yours. It's actually a health hazard, you know.”

Seokmin laughs, bright and loud and full of all the love he's feeling just then and more.

“Stop!” Jihoon insists, peeking through his fingers.

Seokmin reaches out, takes hold of Jihoon's other hand and pulls it away from his face.

“Never.”

Jihoon huffs. It's the least annoyed sound he's ever made.

“Disgusting. You're so cheesy. Why did the universe pair me with the sappiest man in the world?”

“You _wrote a song for me_ ,” Seokmin points out. “So who's the sappy one really?”

Jihoon groans, let's himself flop down onto the bed, half on top of Seokmin, who's laughing again.

“This is all your fault. I was a reasonable, capable, unfeeling human being before you.”

“Too bad,” Seokmin says cheerfully.

Jihoon yanks at their linked hands, tugs until Seokmin's lying down beside him. They look into each other's faces, until Jihoon let's out another grumble. Seokmin smiles to himself.

“What made you finish it?” He can’t stop thinking about the song, about the fact that Jihoon actually wrote it for him.

“Hmm?”

“The song. You said once before that you’d worked on it for months, but didn’t finish it until, you know,” he pauses to lick his lips; they can talk about it, but remembering still makes Seokmin’s heart ache a little. “Until we broke up. If you didn’t want to be with me, then why finish the song?”

Jihoon looks thoughtful for a moment, his eyebrows creasing together - does it hurt him to remember, too, Seokmin wonders. When he answers, he meets Seokmin’s gaze. “It was that damn toy bird.”

Seokmin blinks, surprised. “What? Really?”

Jihoon nods. “I saw it staring at me one day and I just...I just got so mad. I threw it across the room. Thinking it might make me feel better.”

“It didn’t?” Seokmin guesses.

Another nod. Jihoon pauses a moment, considering, and the very fact that he continues talking says a lot to Seokmin. “I felt worse. So much worse,” he admits, and now his voice is quiet. But for once he’s not shuffling away, they’re hands still clasped together between them. He’s not even avoiding looking at Seokmin, either.

“What did you do?”

“I picked the stupid bird up again. And I…” and now, there’s a familiar look of embarrassment on his face, but Seokmin admires it a moment later, when Jihoon continues all the same. “I kind of cried over it. I was a mess.”

“You cried?” Seokmin can’t even imagine it, but he squeezes his fingers tighter around Jihoon’s, the way his own heart is squeezing inside of him at the thought.

“Soonyoung didn’t tell you?” At the shake of Seokmin’s head, Jihoon lets out a soft, breathy laugh. “I’m surprised, he’s shit at keeping secrets. But, the dreams started again, and I was miserable without you. And...and seeing that stupid bird made me realise that... well, that I had to finish the song. And fix things.”

After everything they’ve been through, after all that Seokmin has learnt - about love, about himself, about Jihoon and about _them_ \- he knows that this means a lot. That Jihoon can actually open up to him like this, make himself vulnerable.

And because Seokmin has learnt all that, grown himself in the process too, he thinks, he keeps the moment serious. Finds himself brave enough to ask a question of his own.

“And now,” he hesitates a moment, but he feels the weight of Jihoon’s gaze on him, waiting, sees the open look that never used to grace his face before. If Jihoon can make himself vulnerable, so can Seokmin. “Now, you’re happy, right?”

Jihoon rolls over onto his side, fully facing Seokmin now. He reaches out with his free hand, drapes his arm in an easy hold around Seokmin’s waist. Seokmin thrills, still, everytime Jihoon initiates anything, or gets cuddly like this.

“Are you actually worried about that?”

Seokmin considers for a moment, before he just shrugs a shoulder. He’s not, really, but part of him wants to make sure. Doesn’t want the same mistake to happen again. “You didn’t, you know, you didn’t care about being with your soulmate, and stuff…”

Jihoon just abouts resists rolling his eyes, but there’s a small smile lingering on his face all the same. “Always with the soulmates,” he mumbles. “It’s not about soulmates. It’s about _you_.”

“Oh.”

Seokmin feels his own cheeks warm with colour, and he blinks, looks away from Jihoon’s now smiling face.

“I’m much happier with you in my life. Okay?” Jihoon admits. “And, you know. I didn’t want to waste all that time we spent dating.”

That gets Seokmin laughing softly, looking up to meet Jihoon’s eyes again. The moment draws out between them, soft and easy, as they lie there and just breathe together, be together.

Jihoon breaks it, several minutes later with a quiet huff.

“Ugh. I hate this. This being in love thing.”

“No, you don't.”

Seokmin leans in, captures Jihoon's lips in a kiss. They spend some time almost drowning against each other, losing themselves in the kiss that they share.

When they finally come up for air, Jihoon has one last thing to say. And Seokmin laughs, at Jihoon having to have the last word. Though, it means everything to him, all the same.

“No,” Jihoon agrees quietly. “I don't.”

 

**

 

What happens when the universe decides that two, improbable people are soulmates?

Seokmin can probably wax poetic on that subject for hours, really. He thinks he gets it now. Understands it all better. Soulmates and love and being with someone. Well, he understands how it works for himself and Jihoon, anyway. He definitely can't talk for other people, because no one else is Seokmin and Jihoon. But it makes sense to him. He sees it all, in the past that's behind them. In the present that's right beside him, hands entwined loosely beneath the table. And he thinks, is sure, he sees it in the future that's ahead of them. It's bright and hopeful, full of warmth and sunshine. It's the spring, Seokmin thinks.

There's a long way still to go, but he's not worried. He has his soulmate by his side. Has Jihoon with him.

As he looks from the friends, drinking and laughing loudly around them, to Jihoon, seated close beside him, Seokmin feels happy. His heart feels at ease.

He's with his soulmate, as improbable as it seemed at first. And nothing feels more right than this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who has commented, left kudos, and read through this fic with me, I appreciate you all so much! I had such a blast writing it, and I just hope it was even half as fun to read as it was for me to write! 
> 
> The idea came to me when I was idly considering writing a soulmate au, and thinking to myself how fun it would be to put two people together who you wouldn't necessarily see as fated to be soulmates? Perfect for seokhoon, I think. And this gave me a great opportunity to be able to explore them learning to be together, getting to know each other, and Jihoon's Great Softness for the sun that is Seokmin. (I could wax poetic about seokhoon all day I swear). So I'm really glad I could write all this and share it with people!
> 
> Massive thanks again to my beta Mari, because no one enables me quite like you! 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with this fic, everyone! I hope the ending brought a smile to your face, it certainly did to mine while writing it!  
> Feel free to come scream at me on twitter about Seventeen/seokhoon @hypergalaxies!


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